America's Next Top Model
Cat Deeley

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Potes: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Tyra summons two dudes called "Testosteros" -- kind of like RuPaul's pit crew but not as sexy -- to give the girls capes, and then proceeds to give them each supermodel superhero names. I keep trying to decide if this is better or worse than the time she played Snow White. Maybe both, somehow? Sophie has a light within and so is named Illuminata. For her troubles, she gets a red t-shirt bearing a sticker, on which is written in Sharpie "Illuminata." They couldn't think of these bullshit names enough in advance to put in an order at Café Press? Anyway, Illuminata is certainly a dumb name, but is only the tip of the superberg. Alisha has amazing legs, and so her Intoxibella name is Gam-a-Tronica. You know, Gam-a-Tronica. Louise has one of my favorite names -- Chameeleoné. The final "E" has a little accent mark, because why wouldn't it. Catherine's power is a woman who can go from era to era, and so her name is Era-Descent. Ashley is Charismia. And then with Annaliese, they basically just stopped trying, or someone was really high. Tyra says that Annaliese can get into her head and make her buy things she doesn't really want. And so, her name is Excite-To-Buy. And now that I've been scooped, I'm going to have to think of another name for my first born.

Azmarie is known as Andro-Genia, for obvious reasons. Laura doesn't zig, she zags. And so her name is Zagilicious. She gets overexcited and does a stupid dance. That's a zag for you. And then poor Seymone is just called F.R., which stands for Fiercely Real. "Chunkalicious" is trademarked. Kyle's superpower is that she's the girl next door, and so her name is Next-Doorsia. OBVIOUSLY. Candace can appear to be multiple ethnicities, and so she's called "Exotica," and is forced to try to pose as different races and ethnicities as Tyra calls them out. Classy! And then there are certain Intoxibellas that never turn 30. Do they DIE? Is it because of an overdose or so many genetic disorders? Maybe I will have to read Modelland after all to find out this important information. In any case, Eboni's name is 30-Never. And now I have to think of an Intoxibella name for myself. How about Recappatron 3000?

Oh, but wait. There is a third "super" phrase that the models must know about, and it is super mogul. It involves being a business woman, and also learning about how Tyra went to Harvard. You knew she couldn't get more than three episodes in without bringing that up. Tyra wants the girls to think about marketing, leadership, strategy, global marketing, accounting and finance. Those crumpled up wads of paper that the Brits threw at the beginning of the episode were actually very complex spreadsheets.

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America's Next Top Model

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