America's Next Top Model

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Cirque du So Lame

The girls have to show Benny and Lil Mama their moves. But not just any moves -- they have to express emotions with their moves. Sundai is first, and expresses "sad" by doing a pretty pathetic version of the cabbage patch. Everyone cracks up, which throws Lil Mama into a small rage. With every bit of ire that is roused, her pit stains expand. Nicole is next and is asked to express anger. She twists around in a really strange facsimile of modern dance, and admits in an interview that her dance came off more as bipolar than anything. Bad news. Lil Mama tells the girls that she doesn't think they're getting it, and so is going to show them how it's really done. She yells out a, "Hit it, boys!" and a crew of ghostly ghouls enters the studio. She would have a troupe of undead backup dancers. They are dressed in blue pants and shirts with black hats and white hands and face masks. I guess it is close to Halloween. Are any of these men ax murderers? If so, I wish they would push Erin to the front of the crowd. The ghoul crew dances happy and sad and angry, and do a pretty good job for wearing ghostly masks on their faces. Lil Mama introduces them as the Jabberwockies, and says that they won the first season of the MTV show America's Best Dance Crew. And, because I know nothing about this, I just looked up this show and discovered that their name is actually "JabbaWockeeZ." Is it not enough to have to deal with smizing? Gah.

Lil Mama tells the girls that the JabbaWockeeZ (seriously, if you add a 9 and an exclamation point it would be a very secure online password) will be performing tonight. And so will the models! The girls will be split up into three teams, and each team will have to come up with its own dance incorporating the three emotions that they just witnessed the JabbaWockeeZ perform -- happiness, sadness, and anger. Joy and pain, sunshine and rage. The winning team will get $17,000 worth of jewelry as their prize. This is cause for much happiness, which I think a very savvy team should use as their inspiration for the dance. Team 1 is Jennifer, Kara and Rae. Team 2 is Laura, Brittany and Sundai. And Team 3 is Erin, Ashley and Nicole. Ashley instantly looks like she smelled dookie, and even pinches her nose with her fingers to underscore how particularly unpleasant her team composition is. She tells us that Erin and Nicole are the two least coordinated girls in this house, so disaster clearly awaits.

The girls have one hour to put their dances together. Brittany seems to take a lead for her team, which is at a bit of a disadvantage given that Laura is still wearing her green and white vertical striped ensemble fashioned by Grandma Wanda Sue. Laura interviews that she wouldn't think it was possible to invent a dance that expresses three emotions in one hour, I think because the producers made her say that. Jennifer, Kara and Rae decide that even though they don't have a great dancer like Ashley on their team, they're going to bring energy and cartwheels and win this mother. They work well together and seem to embrace the silliness of the challenge. Meanwhile, Ashley tells Nicole and Erin that she's thinking the first part of their dance could be salsa, while the other two would be interpretive. Nicole simply says that she can't dance, and Ashley interviews how frustrating it is to work with two tards. Nicole and Erin look to Ashley as the leader, and Ashley apparently is a fan of increasing the drama whenever possible. Nicole is a fan of wandering into the wall when she should be learning how to dance. She apparently has a difficult time remembering anything (weed) and hopes that when showtime comes she doesn't black out (weed and meds). Commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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