It's makeover time! The girls head in their pink plaid stretch SUV limo (au revoir, earthmobile!) to Bergdorf Goodman for surprise new looks. There is no Good Fierce Witch to narrate the process for us, however we do have Mission Impossible super-spy Tyra, who speaks in the same vaguely British/upper-class accent she uses every time she’s "in character." The makeovers are of the same variety as usual. Of note: Sandra gets buzzed and dyed blonde to pay homage to Kanye West's stripper girlfriend; Allison gets a big, blonde mermaid weave; Celia goes short-ish and funky, like mid-Chicks Natalie Maines; Aminat goes from funky afro-weave to sleek Naomi Campbell waves; Kortnie goes red; London is blonde and short and ever more like a child of the corn; Teyona gets a head full of Jheri curls, which Tyra later acknowledges was a bad call; and Tahlia also gets a big blonde weave. Natalie is the first to have a diva freak-out when she thinks her hair is going to get chopped off, and then feels like a jerk when she realizes the Jays were just foolin'. Her hair is perfect as is. The main hair drama, however, belongs to Fo, who gets a close-cropped short do that is both edgy and adorable to everyone but her. She feels like a big bull dyke, and very convincingly states that food-stamp dining is preferable to being so boy-like.
The girls have to endure a Wal-Mart/Cover Girl challenge despite the fact that there are no Wal-Marts in New York City. They go accost some poor women they find on the street, then bring them back to the Mock-Mart and shill product. The team of Aminat, Claire and Sandra wins, despite the fact that Aminat and Claire are becoming mortal enemies and Sandra didn’t do anything. The photo shoot sets the girls up for failure, as they have to both direct and light themselves. Nigel is the photographer, and the theme is vaguely rock n' roll. Fo still can't get over her damn hair and actually starts crying on set. Nigel is not amused. The judges tell us that a lot of the photos lack tension, but Teyona, Allison, Natalie and Celia all performed well. Kortnie and Sandra were not so hot, and Aminat was terribly dull, but in the end it's the annoyingly confident Jessica who lands in the bottom two with punk-ass crybaby Fo. The night turns out to be a bad one for Puerto Rico (see the American Idol recap for more on that) as Jessica gets booted back to Resting-on-Prettyville.
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Thirteen lucky ladies moved into their New York City pad and then were off to do their first runway show. Sandra was/is possibly a crack fiend. The girls captured "the beauty of innocence" at their photo shoot, which had them dressed as little girls and playing games while bad influence extras (including a pregnant boozer) looked on. Isabella didn't seem likely to actually have a seizure during the first several episodes, and so was sent home. Twelve bitches remain! Na na na na na na.
It is night in New York City. The girls return home after elimination to find Allison's best-of-the-week photo displayed digitally. She says it's a strange feeling to see it. I'm guessing Allison's feelings about everything are more or less strange. Fo loves her second-place photo and says she feels like she has potential. Meanwhile, Aminat is mad as hell that Isabella went home. She says that Sandra should have gone home, and if she had been eliminated the rest of the girls would have foregone the de rigueur hugs in favor of a curt, "Bye bitch." That sounds about right. Not content to keep her opinions to herself, Aminat asks Sandra if she comes off bitchy. Sandra thinks she stands up for herself. You know, in a bitchy way. Aminat tells her that everyone was sad about Isabella's ouster, and adds that the better person went home. Sandra doesn't engage, but does interview that the others can think what they want to because at the end of the day it's all about her. Sadly, I'm guessing that will probably be true. She adds a quiet "bitch" as she reaches the top of the stairs and Aminat is nowhere nearby. Way to stand up for yourself, Sandy!
Jessica, meanwhile, is trying not to take what the judges said too personally. She tells us that she didn't agree with the judges, who thought that she was resting on "pretty." If Jessica had a brain in that big head of hers she would know that there's nothing Tyra likes to do more (with the exception of eating ribs) than break down a girl who thinks she's all that. Jessica uses a giant silver ball to predict her future in the competition. The silver ball tells her she's going to kick some ass in the next photo shoot. Frankly I think a Magic 8 Ball would have been a more reliable option.
There is Tyra Mail! "Whether it's on the streets or the sidewalk you'll be turning heads. Love, Tyra." The next morning the girls head outside to see a pink plaid stretch Hummer limo that will be their chariot during their time in New York. Remember how for a minute going green was fashionable and the girls were transported in a bus fueled by Miss J.'s used hair grease? Those days are apparently over. The limo has lots of pink girly flourishes inside, including a photo of Tyra with a bunch of little dogs. When we next see Tyra, she'll be wearing a Pomeranian-pelt coat. Trust.