The second 90-minute episode of the season treats us to surprises and delights galore! The photo shoot that was introduced last week continues, as the girls must choose one item of clothing -- ranging from leggings to a watch -- and otherwise be naked. This leads to some genius posing and some half-assed ass covering. No one totally freaks out, though Jessica does predict that her Jesus-loving grandma might not be so happy about the situation. We are introduced to new judge Andre Leon Talley, who uses a lot of French words that I can't understand. However, he also drops the phrase "telescopic view into the nether regions" in his critique, which fills me with joy. A surprising number of girls do well for the first shoot, and Jessica and Angelea have the top two photos. The judges mock Alasia's photo, which involves wearing a vest backwards and barely covering her asscrack with her forearm, but ALT loves it and says he would hang it in his salon. Because he's ALT, no one can argue with him, and Alasia is in the bottom two but safe. Poor Gabrielle goes home without much fanfare.
As hour two begins, we learn that Ren hates all the other girls and their loud ways and thinks she's far too intelligent to be on this show. Tough talk from someone who always looks like she just walked out of an American Apparel ad. As you may have heard, Naduah grew up in a cult. Maybe. As her accent comes and goes and she talks about her life and modeling history (which involves four international fashion week appearances in a year and turning down work with Playboy), the others girls suspect that she might be a pathological liar. This is either the result of growing up in a sex-crazed cult, or the reverse.
Ms. J. teaches the girls about timing and pace on the runway, as well as how to remove a jacket. They have to strut across a busy New York intersection while removing their coats, which results in some pretty hilarious man-on-the-street interviews. Ren complains that the challenge is silly. I complain that she might have watched one episode of this show before agreeing to be on it. The girls then have a runway challenge with designer Rachel Roy. They first have to make it down a giant flight of stairs, and then display perfect timing as they walk through a series of pendulums that swing across the runway. Simone is the first to get bumped by a pendulum, and is soon followed by Jessica. And then poor Alexandra falls down the stairs before she even gets to the runway. You'd think this would be the worst of it. You'd be wrong. She not only gets hit by a pendulum, but is totally knocked off the runway! Really, it's a reminder why we all love this show. Brenda wins the challenge, and gets to keep her outfit and appear on Rachel Roy's web site.
And then there's house drama! Ren tells Alasia to shut the eff up. There is much Alasian screaming in retaliation, and some throwing of cooking implements. Ren claims that said cooking implements were thrown at her, but Alasia rightfully points out that if she wanted to hit Ren with a wooden spoon, she would have. Ren confessionalizes, "I could be happy living my life, and instead I chose to be in this crazy fucking house." I think this is my favorite feud since someone wrote in someone else's brownies.
For the second photo shoot of the episode, the girls pose in Brooklyn, with Manhattan behind them. They're doing an ad for some sort of disappearing colored fragrance, and have to deal with wind and rain machines galore. Raina excels and has the best photo of the week, and Krista and Anslee round out the top three. Ren and Naduah land in the bottom two, with Nigel saying that Ren's photo looks like an ad for the H1N1 vaccine. Despite this and the fact that she totally doesn't want to be there, Ren is safe. Maybe Naduah retroactively failed the psych test?
Previously: 32 "beautiful" "girls" came to L.A. and learned the hard way that Tyra is somewhat selective in adding friends to her imaginary MyFierce page. Twelve finalists moved to New York and met one more surprise, very grungy member of the competition. There were tearful makeovers and personality clashes, and the announcement of a titillating photo shoot!
Speaking of said shoot, we enter with Jay introducing the girls to their wardrobe stylist Joanna Konjevod. Joanna's job is relatively easy, because today the girls will be modeling single items of clothing from the designer Custo Barcelona. The way this will work is that each girl will select one item of clothing, and will otherwise be nude! That's the way to get the season off to a good start. Jessica reminds us that she was raised in a religious family, who will likely flip over this. I mean, if they got through her being knocked up at 16, I think they'll survive this one. Jay tells the girls that they must really sell the one item of clothing they'll be wearing, and entice the consumer. Also enticing the consumer: naked girl bodies.
As is Top Model custom, it's going to be a bit of a free for all in selecting which item of clothing each girl will be wearing. They basically run up to a mannequin and grab something. Some will be lucky or forceful enough to get a shirt or jacket, while others will get a sparkly top hat. Jay yells go, and the girls rush the mannequin. If there were some group for the ethical treatment of mannequins, they would surely protest what happens next. The poor mannequin is knocked down, beaten, and battered, all so sparkly gold leggings can be grabbed. Speaking of the leggings, Gabrielle gets them. She tells us that she's not worried. You have to be confident, she says, and it shows if you're not. Yeah, but if you're confident even when you suck, that shows too and you just look extra ridiculous. The girls head backstage where they meet make up artist Vincent Oquendo and get their hair did by Ryan Taniguchi. Wait, what about Sutan? Sad face. Jonathan Mannion is the photographer for this shoot.
Alexandra is up first, modeling a necklace. It's a long necklace, so she kind of throws it around her back, looks over her shoulder, and covers her boobs with her arm. Jay says that Alexandra was really good on set when it came to the facial expressions, but wonders if that's enough. We'll have plenty of examples of how Alexandra fails with her body in just a bit! Angelea is next, modeling a pair of shoes. She lifts a leg and bends it across her body, but Anslee notes that you can still see her hoo-ha from down below. Brenda gawks for a minute, because as much as she professes to hate Angelea in her interviews (going so far as to say her personality is horrid), there's something innately fascinating about Buffalo hoo-ha. Sadly for Brenda, Jay likes what Angelea's doing. Angela interviews that she knew the other girls were going to watch her and try to size her up. She knows how to put on a show, she says, and she did. Featuring 200% more hoo-ha!