America's Next Top Model

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Timing Is Everything

Krista is next. Jay loves her body, but could use more from her eyes. Simone's shoot also goes by quickly, as Jay tells her not to squint in the water. Tatianna is instructed not to look cold. Brenda has a really hard time, and is totally thrown by the water and wind. Jay tells her to keep her eyes open. Jay asks for soft and serene from Anslee, and she turns into a profile shot that makes him exclaim, "Gooooorgeous!" He says that pose would make Madonna blush. Raina is beautiful, gorgeous, and even gets a, "Lord!" She's Jay's favorite for the day, and he says she's the only girl who could nail looking straight at the camera.

And then there's Ren. She fidgets around, and tells us that she could feel her contacts moving around in her eyeballs and it hurt a lot. Also, she can't breathe. She sprays a shit ton of disappearing fragrance on herself, then tells us that she just wanted to get it over with because she was so uncomfortable. That sound byte could apply to just about anything Ren has done or will do on this show. With that, it's a wrap!

Back at the house, the girls discuss the imminent eliminations. Naduah isn't nervous about panel, and says that, for all her faults, she's got something great going and thinks she got at least one great shot. Ren tells the others that she couldn't breathe or see during her shoot. Is she wearing moccasins? Good Lord. A crying Ren confessionalizes that maybe the other girls want it more and are willing to give up their whole lives for this. She, however, is not willing to give up her sanity and her happiness. I give up my happiness every time I have to write another word about her. She should not be immune from the misery and hell that surrounds this show at all levels (except the ALT level, which is filled with rainbows and cotton candy!). Alasia hopes that her shoot was bomb-diggity, or at least better than last week. As she tells us that she's scared, she heads to commercials.

When we return, it's panel time! There are prizes, there are judges. Rachel Roy is the guest judge. ALT is now wearing a bronze judicial robe, because he likes to keep it consistent while also mixing it up. I appreciate that. Alasia is first up for critique. Tyra asks ALT what he thinks of Alasia's outfit, which incorporates shredded leggings, and he replies, "Dreckitude!" Tyra asks what that means. ALT says, "Dreck, which means a wreck. Dreckitude!" Is "wreckitude" a word? What is even happening? I think Tyra was inspired to invent the word "smize" after having a pitcher of margaritas with ALT. Alasia's best shot is actually okay. Tyra likes it, and says there's attitude in it. ALT continues to be an Alasia fan. He says that the photo is dramatic, and he could see it as a double-page spread in a very high-fashion magazine. He then adds, "Honey chile, for me, you created your own ragtime." Alasia clutches her chest like she has any clue what the fuck that means. It's not French, so you can't even translate it to make sense. Rachel says that she can't see much in Alasia's eyes, which is worrisome. She also points out that there's a long thread of drool coming off her chin. Just one more thing to talk about in the salon, I guess.

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America's Next Top Model

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