America's Next Top Model
Estelle

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Okay, you guys. First of all, THIS. I still feel like I haven't properly processed it all, aside from recognizing that, other than dealing with Tyra, these three have had a sweet-ass deal for a really long time. In some ways, the most shocking thing is that Cutrone apparently HASN'T been fired. Up is down, right is wrong. I do wonder who will replace Nigel and the Jays, and hope that it is some combination of all of the Real Housewives who have been fired from their respective shows, Andre Leon Talley, and Sharon Needles. But who am I kidding? We all know that from now on the whole show (including contestants!) is going to be comprised of Tyra and holograms of Tyra. And Kelly Cutrone, I guess. Sigh.

Previously: Androgynous American front-runner Azmarie was sent home, for being too cool for stopping, dropping OR tooching. Eight bitches remain! Four are British, and four are Yanks.

We open the episode with the Brits finally coming home to a giant present that belongs to them. Their video plays on the house TV, along with stirring commentary like, "You had the cow by the udders!" Who was it that gave that high praise? Alisha thinks that her country-women should thank her, because she had best photo of the week and thus earned the oversized prize. The box appears to be filled with, like, crap from the Salvation Army. Maybe they don't have Salvation Armies in England so it seems really exotic and cool to the British models?

As the Brits ride high on their victory, Seymone and Kyle consume carbs in the saddest ever "potato party." They're just eating potato salad out of a giant Tupperware container. Kyle claims that she and Seymone have become really close, apparently because both of them are widely reviled in the house. I guess Seymone never recovered from the haggis incident, just as I feared. Kyle confessionalizes that the haters can keep hating, and it's just going to make her stronger. She must be Hulk-strong at this point, given how much shit we see being talked about her. Laura and Sophie have a tête-à-tête by the pool, at which they agree that Kyle is a terrible model and should have gone home before Azmarie. I think we can all co-sign on that latter point. Sophie notes that the judges see something in Kyle, but she's in no way strong enough to take the prize or even be there. She brings up that unfortunate time when Kyle wanted to quit the entire show, and Laura notes that she doesn't trust Kyle as far as she could throw her. Kyle is so gangly that I think she'd be especially hard to throw, and then she'd probably just land on one of her prominent eyeballs and start complaining. As Laura tells us that everybody is sick of Kyle's attitude and ready for her to go home, the credits roll.

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America's Next Top Model

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