America's Next Top Model

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It Gets Worse

Back at the house, the UK girls get their video messages! Annaliese's is from her good friend, who is lovely and supportive. Catherine gets a message from her parents and her dog. Her mom looks exactly like a cross between Catherine and Meryl Streep. Alisha's mom, dad and little brother talk about how proud they are of her, and her brother is super cute, and Alisha just cries and cries while wearing a shower cap. And then it's time for Sophie's boyfriend to deliver his very unspectacular message. She complains that there was no emotion, no lovingness toward her, no encouragement, and no pride. She calls it bullocks, and I think we have hit upon a Dan Savage D.T.M.F.A. moment.

With that, there is more Tyra Mail: "Tomorrow you will be the centerpiece of attention. Fierce and love, Tyra." Everyone immediately thinks that they will have to pose as statues, which is maybe about a quarter true. Kyle takes this time to tell us again how much she dislikes the other girls, and doesn't want to be around them when they all are in the house. Part of this is so they don't see her emotions, because she thinks they'll pounce on that and bring her down. As she wraps herself in her bed-fort, Kyle resolves to nail the upcoming photo shoot. That kind of resolution always has a 50-50 chance of becoming a kiss of death, doesn't it?

The next morning, the girls head to a really spectacular Bel-Air mansion where Jay awaits, obviously also oblivious to his eventual fate. Though when he ruminates on the fact that he has to say lines like, "This week we're taking the booty tooch to the high fashion extreme," maybe he'll see it all as a blessing. He tells the models that they'll be posing as art installations at a fabulous dinner party in the mansion. What "art installations" means is really up for grabs, here. One thing that's for sure, though, is that these girls need to tooch like they've never tooched before! Alisha tells us that there's no excuse for her tooch not to be tooched correctly, because Tyra has taught her the way. So she's going to give some booty hooty, and some toochie fruity. It's hard to argue with that logic. Ben Shaul is the photographer for the day.

As the girls get their hair and makeup done, Jay introduces their special guest for the day, British pop star Estelle! She will be playing the role of party host, and I must say that she's quite a good guest star and judge. Estelle advises the girls to give an extra little something in front of the camera, and be themselves but better. So, the way the shoot is set up is that there's a big ol' table with Estelle in the middle, and then three of the models serve as extras/dinner party guests. And then there's the person who's the "art installation" performing for the people having dinner, who is supposed to be the focus of the shot. Laura is up first, and starts getting on the table and, like, yanking her own hair. I don't know, it's all very strange and I fear that the girls aren't quite getting the direction they need. Estelle tells us that Laura wasn't particularly aware of what else was happening in the shot, and kept cock-blocking Estelle from the camera. Ben agrees that this was a tough shoot for Laura. Laura crushes a tomato in her hand, which goes all over her face and Kyle's boobs. Hot?

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America's Next Top Model




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