America's Next Top Model

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Looking Through the Fierce Eyes of Love

Isis walks first. She tells us that runway is the one thing she's totally confident with, and that she's been looking forward to this day for so long. She slips almost immediately but manages not to fall. Miss J. says that Isis walks a bit like she's on ice. He then tries to make an Ice-is pun, but it really doesn't make any sense. Quelle surprise. Analeigh is next, and J. yells for speed and energy. Analeigh gives him neither, and J. tells us he's not sure that Analeigh can be a top model if she can't follow directions. Marjorie is next. She is about as awkward as you'd expect. But not as awkward as Hannah! Hannah looks like she's trying to keep those beans she's so fond of referencing from dropping out of her ass. Miss J. turns to the other girls and says, "Help her when you get home." He says that she walked almost slightly crazy, then delights himself by doing an impression of her. Hannah knows that a model must have a good walk, which means she also knows that she's probably screwed. McKey is wearing a green velvet cape-dress like she just came from the Renaissance Faire. The hell? Miss J. yells at Sheena to shake it but not break it because they boys won't take it. Jocelyn gives good energy, Miss J. says, and he doesn't even mind that she gives a "little extra." If a girl gives extra, he says, you can pull her back just a bit. Samantha is wicked bow-legged, and Jay can in fact bowl between her gams. Sam is ready to make bow legs her trademark. Elina's control-freakishness extends to her walk, and J. tells her that she needs to let go.

Back at the house, some of the girls try to give Hannah runway tips. To her credit, she really seems to be practicing. Isis says that Hannah has potential, but at this point she really needs a lot of runway training. Then there's more Tyra Mail! "You think you have this competition in the bank? You may be walking right out of it. Love, Tyra." The girls know that some runway lies ahead.

Clark and Lauren Brie lounge on the couch and talk shit about people. As you do. Well, they talk some nice about people, too, but it's all in the shit-talking context, and you know that they despise every complimentary word they're forced to say about someone. Lauren Brie starts by saying that McKey has the most Cover Girl face. Clark seems to agree. Lauren Brie adds that Elina also has an amazing face. Clark covets Elina's eyebrows. And then Lauren Brie gets a very hushed tone as she notes that Isis hasn't been doing very well. Clark notes in an even more hushed tone that in the real world of modeling she doesn't see Isis being booked because of her manly body. This includes her man-hands and man-feet and man-waist. Lipless McJawbone has little room to talk. And yet, she continues to talk. Clark interviews that it's about time for Isis to go home, and that modeling just isn't for her. She adds in conversation with Lauren Brie that most supermodels aren't 5'7". Clark, don't make me quiz you on the meaning of the Pigford Doctrine.

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America's Next Top Model

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