America's Next Top Model

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Looking Through the Fierce Eyes of Love

And there's not even a commercial after Hannah is eliminated! Burn. Instead we see Joslyn, Sheena and Isis head off to meet Kira Plastinina and do their advertorial shoot. Kira is adorable and, in case you didn't hear it the first time, fifteen years old, and makes me feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. The shoot seems to go pretty well. Yay, Joslyn!

Back at home, there is yet more Tyra Mail: "This competition is deep. Some will rise above, and some will go under. Love, Tyra." Sheena deduces that this is a photo shoot, and it's going to be fierce. Marjorie and Analeigh talk. Marjorie says that Hannah really improved but was the obvious choice to go home. Analeigh can't even suspend her pity party for a moment in honor of her former comrade, and says that while she used to be excited about the photo shoots, now she's just nervous. She's the only one who's not doing well, she says. The girls with similarly bad critiques are now all gone. She knows she has to improve and bring back the girl the judges saw in casting. The first step is getting her confidence back. Marjorie tells Analeigh that she can't go home as we head to commercials.

And then it's Whitney's "My Life As a Cover Girl" ad. In case you were wondering, New York is a place to be seen, to be found, and to take in. Whitney is getting to know the city, which conveniently appears to have about three residents as she's biking through it. She says there's nothing better than being the next big thing. How would she know?

The next morning, Jay Manuel - fully decked out in porn gym shorts and a wife-beater - surprises the girls at their house with a wake-up call. Turns out they're having a photo shoot at their house! Elina thinks this is great news, because it's comforting to have the shoot on their own turf. I don't know. With all the bad vibes these bitches throw, I feel like a production assistant should be waving a smudge stick around on the hour. Jay calls the girls out to the pool, of which he is now the lifeguard, and asks how many times at panel Tyra asks them to smile with their eyes. If any of these girls knew the infinity symbol, they'd be making it right now. He tells the girls that they'll be shot from the nose up, in the water! Isis is nervous, because she's never really done the "pool thing" with a bikini on. However, she tells us that she's not going to let this water shoot make her lose her personality again. I say that you just let that thing flop around if it must and leave it to the retouchers to take care of.

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America's Next Top Model

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