This episode has a lot going on, so bear with me here. The girls meet up with Nigel and Sean Patterson, the president of Wilhelmina, and must do their best to impress in individual consultations. Courtney manages to make a good impression despite her broken foot, but giant-eyed musical theater performer Rachel is so boring that she can't even remember one song lyric when asked. Jennifer, meanwhile, has a lazy eye, but it's some medical condition and so maybe is mean to make fun of. But that's never stopped us before, has it? The girls all think they are participating in a challenge, but little do they know that something here is as awry as Jennifer's left cornea. There is no winner for this challenge, but there is most certainly a loser as it is announced that poor Rachel is getting the axe then and there. Nigel consoles her by telling her that she's young. And at least she doesn't have a lazy eye.
And then, I don't know how exactly to explain what happens next. The girls meet with a photographer who's obviously an actor -- perhaps from the same agency as Crazyface Amber -- who challenges them to give him the perfect photo in just one take. Mousy Tyra – you know, in character -- enters in a trenchcoat and meekly tries to be a one-shot hero to no avail. She takes the photographer's abuse until he makes fun of the height-challenged bunch of models looking on in confusion and mild horror. And then she goes into a Hulk-like rage and turns into a very shiny being called -- wait for it -- Super Smize. Super Smize's superpower is smiling with her eyes -- a.k.a., smizing. I'm sure that's trademarked. She smizes™ the photographer to death, and then imparts her smizability to the models. Jennifer, understandably, is worried about smizing. Kara has a cross smize that no one seems to notice. And we have to hear Tyra speak the words, “Turkey pepperoni or real pork swine?” The inmates are running the asylum, people. Oh, but we're not done yet. The girls then must dress in pink and purple spandex half-hoodie bodysuits and enter the Fortress of Fierce for a smize-off. Six girls win their heats and go to a five-star dinner with Sean Patterson wearing complimentary gowns. The losers are given smocks and sent to the kitchen for dish duty.
The photo shoot for the week is inspired both by Seabiscuit and Lady Godiva as the girls pose topless on horses with long wigs covering their bubbies. Brittany, Laura and Nicole all do well, and it's Erin who gets the best photo of the week. Bianca wears a crazy blonde wig and can't keep her damn mouth shut about it at judging. She also looks like a damn man, which is a problem. She lands in the bottom two. However it is Courtney, who gets a bee up her butt about having to wear her cast on the shoot, who gets the metaphorical boot and must pack her bags. That's not something to smize about.
Previously: Fourteen wee modelettes made their way to LA and were promptly given unspectacular makeovers and forced to recreate photos from their childhoods, with a sluttier twist. Second chance Lisa couldn't manage to work her giant clown collar (rookie!), and was sent home a traumatic second time. Thirteen girls remain! Let this number of doom be a warning to you.
We begin the episode as the girls ride home in their limo after elimination. Bianca finally realizes that she should have kept her damn mouth shut for once. She reminds us that her constant complaining on-set got her sent to the bottom two because, as Tyra reminds her, photographers (AND TYRA) are not paying (OR NOT PAYING) for her opinion. If you have an original, well-formed thought in your head, you have come to the wrong place. And don't you forget it, Mr. Sister. Bianca is taking this as a warning, and vows not to be in the bottom two again. Giant-eyed Rachel opines that no one can expect anything. This telegraphs to us that she should, in fact, expect something, and so shouldn't actually be in too much shock when (spoiler!) she gets an unceremonious rapid-fire boot in mere minutes. Rachel tells us that going from Wal-Mart cashier to America's Next Top Model is a big jump, with 90% fewer blue smocks, and 25% more mentally challenged colleagues.
When the girls get home they see Rae's best-of-the-week photograph displayed as digital art, as promised. The photo actually isn't as big as the words next to it, which read, "Rae of Sunshine / Dreamy / Broken Down Doll." Because the wit and wisdom of the judges is really what we've been after all along. Courtney interviews that she's so over her broken foot, and is taking her boot off this week. Rest assured that she'll get another boot to take its place at the end of the episode.
There is Tyra Mail! The girls yell and scream and jump around just as they were instructed to. Kara reads: "Your career will be short if you don't measure up." She neglects to read the standard, "Love, Tyra," which the other girls point out. However, when she does say it, she skips the "love" part, which may be a sign of the beginning of the end. The next day the girls head to Wilhelmina Models, and are clearly excited to have a visit to the agency where they all want to be signed. Nigel walks in and explains that they'll have a rather special opportunity today -- Sean Patterson, the president of Wilhelmina, has flown all the way from New York City to meet with each and every one of them. Sean enters, and just a bit resembles Jon Gosselin, minus the Ed Hardy gear and most of the douchebaggery. Sean explains that Wilhelmina represents the entire range of the industry, and has a place for all types of beauty. Additionally, they pride themselves on nurturing their talent, so perhaps the winner of this cycle won't end up cleaning mousetraps in Elite's basement with McKey. Nigel reminds the girls how rare it is to get signed to an agency, and adds that Tyra herself had to go to six agencies in L.A. before she got signed. Like Oprah, it's Tyra's hardscrabble past that makes her so relatable. Sean tells the girls that the market for petite models is "more hypercompetitive" than they could ever imagine. They get one chance to impress Sean, and if they fail they're screwed.