America's Next Top Model

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Model Madness!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Top Model: The girls fell apart on Milanese go-sees, but Chelsey's past experience and terrific initiative in going to two go-sees instead of one like everyone else ensured her challenge victory. The girls were transformed into bird-shit receptacles slash statues for an artsy photo shoot, and Jane crumbled under the pressure. Her lack of personality continued to be a problem, while for personality-filled Chris it was the lack of focus that was a problem and led to her elimination. Only four bitches remain! And only one will appear on the pages of Italian Vogue.

Milan! Statues! Street bands with accordions! And the top four bitches riding in a bus back to their apartment. Excitement abounds. Jane reminds us that Tyra saw a crack in the robot that she is at panel. Tears were involved, naturally. This week, Jane is determined to show the judges that she has personality and to rise to the top of the pack. Ann says that she hardly knows anything -- still! -- but she's really trying to study. Chelsey, ever the Ann-hating martyr, says that she lives in Idaho, and there's more fashion in Ann's home state of Texas than there is in Idaho. Ann actually gives a "Bitch, please," look that I love and want to bottle. It's well deserved. Chelsey's been getting a bit of a hag edit this season, in absence of true bitchery. The problem is that she's not really outlandishly awful, and so it all just comes off as irritating rather than entertaining slash terrible. And her continued insistence on going after Ann of all people is like repeatedly pinching a kitten. Leave the kitten alone! We like her!

Chelsey tells us that the competition is getting very intense very quickly and Ann is just coasting through it. And really, that's Ann's good fortune. Back in the bus, Chelsey continues to lecture Ann by saying, "If you're passionate about it, you make time." A super chill Ann interviews, "Chelsey is steppin' up her game. So I've gotta step up my game, I guess. Heh heh." In the bus, Chelsey continues that she saves up money to buy "The Vogue." Her parents won't buy it for her because it's too expensive. Well, yeah, she's 22, and cobbling together the $15 for a subscription to Vogue should actually be an achievable goal. God. Chelsey interviews that before this competition she was indeed planted in Idaho like a sprouting potato, and there's not so much going in on terms of the fashion world. But pursuing a career in high-fashion is what she's been doing all this time, and all that she's ever wanted to do. I thought she lived in L.A. for a while? Isn't that where she racked up all this experience that she talks about all the time? I feel like you can't say that you're so experienced at go-sees AND at the same time say that you had to, like, sell a hog to get a subscription to Marie Claire.

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America's Next Top Model

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