America's Next Top Model
Game

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We enter in the post-elimination limo, where Angelea expresses her surprise at Bianca's elimination. And oh, sigh. Why must they remind us? I've been working diligently with my therapist to get over it and move on, but haven't quite managed it yet. We are reminded that Kayla went home as well, which was less of an offense, but an offense nonetheless. It's just all very weird. Angelea tells us that she was sad to see Kayla go, but a lot of the ladies were perfectly happy that Bianca is out of the house and they don't have to worry about her loud mouth anymore. Angelea reminds us that she's still here, and also that she's the spice. The Buffalo spice, hot and tangy and occasionally used to disguise nefarious pieces and parts.

The ladies enter their house and Lisa is very excited upon seeing her best-of-week Nene Leakes photo as digital art. She tells us that when you're on top there's a lot of pressure to stay there, and then attributes her high-ranking position to good karma. I guess if you suffered through Dr. Drew for 4 weeks you do deserve something good in your life. Do you guys remember when Dr. Drew was really hot? Back in the Loveline days? Or was that just me? Meanwhile, Laura puts some clothes away and talks about how proud she is of how far she's come. Allison says that Laura has instant charisma, and then tells us that she herself is more of an introvert than attention whore. It's really amazing how she ever got on this show in the first place. Allison is trying to work on building her attention-whoriness, but tells us that she has by no stretch of the imagination completed that journey. And really, let's hope that she never does.

Tyra Mail! Oh, except this is a very special video delivered by some little girl named Madison, who is billed as an "Internet phenomenon." Now, I had never heard of this little person, but since she is an Internet phenomenon I figured Google would provide me with some info. It turns out that Madison is a five year old makeup guru, who posts tutorials online. I got exactly nine seconds into one of her tutorials and wanted to take a hatchet to my forehead. I mean, no offense to the child, but what the fuck? Somebody get that kid a library card and maybe some foster parents. I'm never having kids, this world is a horrible place. Anyway, the models seem charmed by Madison, despite the fact that you can't understand a word she says (other than "bronzer") in delivering the Tyra Mail message. Angelea can decipher at least part of it, and lets us know that "keeping a beat" is part of the equation. She wonders if it has something to do with music.

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America's Next Top Model

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