America's Next Top Model
Good Times and Windmills

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The Windmills of Your Mind

The boys arrive bringing copious amounts of food and booze. McKey tells us that she doesn't drink, and Analeigh doesn't drink, and Sam doesn't drink. This leaves Marjorie with six bottles of wine all to herself. And that's how she likes it. Don't judge, it's like a Tuesday night at my place. Marjorie seems extra spirited, and interviews that she's letting loose and having fun because of wine. She then adds, "Wine's my friend." But does wine shave your woo-hoo like your former best friend Analeigh does? I didn't think so. Though if I had to make a choice between Analeigh and wine, I think you know how things would go down. Marjorie is content to celebrate and is feeling very good altogether, and finds it positive that even though she may be slurring the room isn't spinning yet. Who knew our little French fry was such a lush?

The evening progresses, as such evenings do. First, everyone plays an innocent game of charades. Then Analeigh and Marjorie dress up one of the boys in high-heeled shoes and have him do a model walk. Then McKey wrestles another one of the boys in the corner. And then there's Sam, who's playing cards and doing magic tricks with yet another boy. And sadly, "magic tricks" is not a euphemism. Then, as Analeigh tells it, the alcohol kicked in a bit more for some of the party participants and things went from fun to messy. We see one of the boys daring Marjorie to kiss another one of the boys as much as possible in ten seconds. To Marjorie "as much as possible" apparently means "avec tongue." Everyone else watches and makes "ooooh" noises awkwardly as we head to commercials.

When we return, things have progressed even further. Analeigh tells us that she turned around for two seconds and the next thing she knew Marjorie was in the bathtub fully clothed with one of the guys. As it happens, he wants to marry her. Well, as long as there's an engagement pending I don't see what's wrong with any of this. All Marjorie can say to the proposal is, "...Bernard." Analeigh hovers around the tub and asks Marjorie if she's okay. Marjorie's confidence-inspiring answer is, "I think so." One of the other boys leads Analeigh away, and tells her it's no problem. Au contraire, Dutch boy. Analeigh thinks it is a problem, indeed. She explains that Marjorie is not in a place right now where she's making good decisions, and she'd like to prevent her from making an ass out of herself. Dutch boy tells Analeigh that it's not her responsibility. Au contraire, part deux! Analeigh is a little bit of a cock blocker, but she also does have Marjorie's best interests at heart. Analeigh asks, "If you were drunk off your ass wouldn't you want someone to look out for you?" Dutch boy treats it as a rhetorical question, but Sam answers in the affirmative. The matter is settled, then. However, Bernard doesn't want to leave. Analeigh calls him "loverboy" in an attempt to get him out of the tub, to no avail. Sam tells him that he has to go, and interviews that things got sloppy and she'd had enough. At least no one's puked in the tub. Finally McKey has to threaten to remove Bernard by physical force. Having seen her wrestle, they know she can do it so Bernard gets up and reveals his little boxers. Finally the boys leave and Marjorie thanks McKey for her offer of violence.

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America's Next Top Model

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