The final four girls are still in Hawaii, and get a little dose of tradition and a little dose of crunk as they learn a hula/hip-hop hybrid for the week’s challenge. Pro dancers teach them a routine, which starts off grass-skirty and quickly moves to booty-shaking. In the middle of the routine, each girl will have to do a solo using hula moves that express her story, which the instructor just assumes will be full of despair, determination and happiness. We learn that Erin is a cheerleader, which totally makes sense. It means that she can dance pretty well, or at least knows how to memorize moves. She helps the other girls to practice, but still gets on their nerves. Jennifer’s dance is good, but she’s not totally consistent. Erin, during her solo, expresses that she was an angry child and guest judge Miss J. is like, “We get it.” Laura’s story is one of hope, and she also can shake that ass. Finally, Nicole just sucks. But she knows it and just tries to have fun with it. In the end, Laura wins! And she gets quite a prize -- a chance to come back to Maui and stay at the Four Seasons. She gets to choose a friend to go with her and picks Jen. Erin is annoyed about this, since she was so helpful to everyone. But who the hell would want to go on vacation with Erin?
The photo shoot for the week has the girls posing as Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of volcanoes, who was very beautiful and also had a fiery temperament. They’re posing on volcanic rock, which leads to a lot of stumbling as the girls try to maintain their Barbie toes. Jay drops a big bomb on the girls -- two of them will be eliminated this week. This announcement naturally freaks everyone out, and some handle it better than others. Jennifer wants to have Namaste hands, but it doesn’t really work and that seems to throw her off. She’s all over the place, but gets a little better once she goes flat-footed and stops falling off the rocks. Nicole, naturally, looks amazing. She nails it, and Jay has a small orgasm. Laura is super-stressed and panicking and looks like she’s in pain. And in all of her interviews during the show she looked like she had been crying, which seemed to bode poorly. The shoot is very bad. Jay asks her if she’s drunk, which is the same question I’ve been asking for the past five episodes. Laura denies it, but she totally is! Erin is inspired by the prospect of being a powerful and wrathful goddess. As a result, she looks annoyed. Once Jay asks for more warmth in her face, she starts listening to “a pop song that teenagers listen to” in her head. In other words, a song that she listens to, as she is a teenager. It’s a good solution, because her expression changes for the better. At the end of her shoot she hits her head on a light, which is very satisfying.
At panel, which features the inimitable Ann Shoket, stupid Erin gets an amazing photo. However, Tyra notes that she looked sleepy in her film and there weren’t a ton of options to choose from. Also, she’s still a pill. Jennifer’s photo is not good. She looks stiff and didn’t elongate her body. However, the judges acknowledge that she’s had a great body of work and is very likable. I think that Laura’s photo looks crazed and drunk, but the judges praise it as looking a lot like Rachel Hunter, and Nigel says it’s like a Sports Illustrated shot. She’s the diamond in the rough of the bunch. Finally, Nicole’s photo is awesome. Nigel isn’t crazy about her body position, but he’s crazy.
Finally, the two finalists are announced. The first is Nicole, which, duh. And the second is Laura! They will walk to the death next week, but not the literal death, which is what we would have hoped for if Erin was the second finalist. Huzzah!
Previously: Supermodel Marisa Miller gave the girls a lesson in bikini posing, and heavily promoted the Barbie Toe Philosophy. The girls had an underwater shoot that went swimmingly for Jennifer and Nicole, while Laura and Sundai struggled. And Erin struggled too, though Tyra doesn't tell us that. In the end, Sundai's barrage of excuses could not save her, and in fact contributed to her demise. Four bitches remain!
In other exciting news, I got an email from Erin's mom this week! Oh, yes. This is why recappers get hazard pay. I shall now reprint it for you in its entirety.
Subject: Your Unbelievable BIAS
Thought you might like to see what my status is today:
[Erin's Mom] is thankful she never has to read another UNJUST review on TV Without Pity by the douchebag that obviously can't review anything without letting their personal bias rule the page.
I understand you have a job to do, but maybe you could try in the future to realize that the people you are talking about are real people, not characters and they have real families and that all you see is 5 sec clips taken out of context mostly and spliced together for your enjoyment.
And, well, I really have just learned an important lesson about letting personal bias rule what you post on the Internet. Thank you, Erin's mom, for leading by example, and for passing along similarly important lessons to your charming daughter. And I'm really not a douchebag. It's the editing! Mostly. But hey... new Facebook friend!
And now back to our regularly scheduled recap.
It's the final four! The girls head back from judging in their limo. Laura seems thrilled, but happiness does not abound for everyone. Erin confessionalizes that she's still in the competition by the skin of her teeth and the graciousness of the panel. She's been in the bottom two for three weeks in a row, and knows that she has to have a kick-ass photo this week or she'll be gone. And speaking of Erin, Nicole interviews that she has a great look but does not have the mentality for the world of modeling. Her self esteem is too tied in with what other people think of her, which can be dangerous in the fashion world. Or when you appear on a reality show and let all of the Internets have at you. I'm just saying.
Meanwhile, Nicole can hardly comprehend that she has a spot in the top four. She tells us that she came into the competition being really awkward and unsure of herself. And she got over that through the joy of modeling. She feels like a completely different person. And sounds less stoned! Maybe Nicole's stash finally ran out and that's how she transformed from Bloody Eyeball to Miss Congeniality. She tells Jennifer that the longer she's in the competition, the more she wants it. Jennifer feels the same way. Nicole sees herself in the final two with Jennifer. I don't see that, but then again I've been known to have an unbelievable bias.