America's Next Top Model

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Double Trouble

Jennifer is up first. Jay asks if she's going to nail it, and Jennifer asks if she has a choice. And, I mean, she doesn't. Jay points out his scissor shirt for the double cut, and Jennifer tells him that's way harsh. Which, it kind of is. I love how Jay and the folks on the panel could give two shits about the feelings of any of these girls at this point. Jennifer gets on the volcanic rock, and wants to pose with Namaste hands. She thinks it's a powerful and empowering posture. But Jay and the photographer aren't crazy about it. After that, Jennifer has a hard time getting it. She puts a hand to her head, and Steve tells her that she looks like she has a headache. They tell her not to forget what her face is doing, and to close her mouth. Erin interviews that Jennifer has progressed a lot during the competition, but had a rocky start to her shoot. Jay tells Jennifer not to worry about standing on her tip-toes, since it's throwing her balance off. And, I mean, these girls are standing barefoot on volcanic rock. It's a wobbly affair. Jennifer tells us that she was being stubborn and kept standing on her tippy toes. She falls off the rock, and Jay and Steve tell her yet again to try the flat foot. Eventually she does, which helps. Still, not a great performance.

Nicole is next, wearing the world's largest and most fabulous earrings. Jay tells her to go out there and nail it -- to smize, look tall, and try to let the competition go. Nicole again tells us her strategy of realizing that this was a very important situation, and then forgetting about it. She looks gorgeous, but also has some trouble while standing on her tip toes. Eventually she gets the hang of it and focuses on looking tall and lean. Jay looks at her shots and makes orgasm sounds. He tells us that Nicole delivered a campaign-worthy image. She nailed it. Her energy and facial expressions were all beautiful. Steve notes that Jay has peed in his pants. And that's not all! Great job by Nicole.

Laura is next and looks super-stressed. She starts off an interview cheerfully enough, saying that two girls are going home and she really has to fight for it. And then the tears start coming and she says, "And... I don't wanna go home just... with nothin'." Ooooh, the sadness! Laura tells us that she's scared to death. Boy, does it show. She looks worried and nuts. Jay wonders what she's doing with her face, and Steve tells Laura that she looks like she's in pain. Laura tries to laugh, but can't! They have stolen Laura's joy! Nicole interviews that she doesn't see Laura necessarily doing anything high fashion. She also doesn't see photographers being inspired by Laura. Steve and Jay are certainly not inspired. Steve tells Laura that she has a constant fish mouth, and Jay notes that they might need a fan to lift her lip. Additionally, her legs are looking short. Laura acknowledges in an interview that she panicked. Her shoot ends, and Jay asks her if she drank last night, because the whole thing was a little boozy. Laura denies it, but, well, she's seemed drunk all season. Maybe they put her on some kind of anti-anxiety pill that's, like, having the opposite effect except for the slurry speech. When Laura comes off of the set, Erin tells her that she looked beautiful. That was uncharacteristically nice. And then Laura gives the drunkest on-set interview, saying, "It feels absolutely horrible... I should just wanna ball up and cry... after hearing that... I done so good and that I can be a model... and then this photo shoot right here I just... wah wah." I mean, drunkest. I'm not saying that's wrong. If I were a contestant on this show I'd try to drink myself into a 20-day blackout.

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America's Next Top Model

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