Never a show to pull back from the drama, this week’s episode of Top Model is bookended with reactions to and repercussions from Celia’s big Tahlia-under-the-bus-throwing reveal at last week’s panel. The house is in chaos, and interestingly enough, though Tahlia is rightly pissed, it’s Aminat and Teyona who want to punch a bitch in the throat. And yet, when they go to take someone to task for being a rat fink, they don’t focus on Celia and instead go after Allison and Natalie. Aminat gets in Natalie’s face and would like to wipe the floor with it, but for the stupid no-violence rule. In the end Tahlia and Celia actually talk about the whole things like adults, which is refreshingly bizarre.
Beth Stern, the wife of Howard Stern and a model who’s appeared on the cover of Hamptons magazine a whole bunch of times, teams up with Jay Manuel to teach the girls how to make expressions with their faces. It seems so basic, and yet some girls have trouble with the concept. The challenge for the week involves life-sized cardboard versions of Tyra from several different photos. The faces are cut out (as if we needed inspiration for another Tyra-themed nightmare) and the girls have to occupy the face-hole and use an expression that goes with the photo’s body language. Natalie wins, much to the chagrin of Tahlia and Aminat, and gets 50% more frames at her photo shoot.
And speaking of the photo shoot, the girls are doing close-ups. They have colored powder blown all over their faces, and have to emote the color that is spattered all over them like alien jizz. Celia, certain all episode that she’d be going home, manages to turn it out and thinks that maybe she’s not so doomed after all. Fo is far and away the best of the week, and Tahlia and Teyona put in good performances as well. Though Celia’s photo was great, she lands in the bottom two along with Sandra, purely because the judges can’t stand to look at her rat-fink self anymore. In the end, she gets a reprieve, having learned her lesson not to mess with another model’s money, and it’s only-good-in-profile Sandra who finally gets the boot.
Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls took a trip to Ellis Island to prove that immigrants are fierce and, subtextually, that our nation's immigration policy needs revamping. Tahlia mysteriously did well, while Sandra and Kortnie continued to suck. Kortnie got the boot, but it was Celia who shocked Tyra and the other contestants with her plus-sized faux pas in trying to rat out Tahlia for wanting to go home. Nine bitches remain! And if you don't think that Tyra can't wait to teach one of them a major lesson, you're a rookie.
It is night at the Top Model house as the girls return from judging. Tahlia tells us straight off that she's so angry and hurt because of Celia's backstabbing ways at panel. We replay the whole thing in excruciating sepia-toned flashback. Tahlia was called first by Tyra, for having the best photo, which was a boost and shot of excitement and confidence. Like fierce wheatgrass. And theeeeeen Celia got a crazy look in her eye and stepped forward to address The Great and Terrible Tyzard in a very formally stank way. Tahlia felt like she had been thrown under the bus. And hasn't she had enough tragedy in her life? Celia interviews that it wasn't fair for Kortnie to get eliminated when she wanted to be America's Next Top Model so bad, while Tahlia didn't even want to be on the show. It's news to me that Kortnie gave a rat about the competition, frankly. If her drive was that big, then it makes her terrible performance even sadder.
Celia sits in her room and says that she knows she caused so much drama, but thought that Tyra should know if a girl's heart isn't in the competition. She interviews that she absolutely doesn't regret what she did, and if she's to be sent home then so be it. Something makes me think she filmed this interview after she wasn't sent home. Allison and Natalie are in Celia's room when she says this, and some of the other girls are upstairs with Tahlia. Sandra says that earlier she overheard some of the girls talking about how Tahlia wanted to go home, but she didn't think they'd be janky enough to actually do anything. We flash back to Celia promising to cause a ruckus if Tahlia wasn't eliminated. Sandra interviews that she doesn't think Celia should have done what she did. It was none of her business, and Sandra thinks that Celia should be worried about going home. I mean, at least she gave people something to talk about in this otherwise dull season.