America's Next Top Model

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Celia, You're Breaking My Heart

Jay takes the girls into an empty warehouse and introduces the special guest for the week, Beth Stern. Beth of course was formerly Beth O., and is now the wife of Howard Stern. Beth knows something about giving face, since she's been on the cover of Hamptons Magazine six times. Then why is she not guest starring on my other favorite show, The Real Housewives of New York? If you can go back to the same client six times, Jay says, it means you can bring some variety in the face. Beth tells the girls that she always, always, always practices in front of a mirror. So when Tyra tells the girls to do this she's not just making up excuses about why she spends so much time looking in the mirror! There are a bunch of mirrors set up, and Jay and Beth are going to give the girls different scenarios to which, with Jay and Beth's help, they'll learn how to match their expressions.

Jay tells Allison to look sensual. Beth proclaims that it's sad and makes her want to cry. Oh, Allison. Jay tells her not to be afraid to go too extreme. Allison says that her eyes are the biggest part of her face, and tend to be the biggest problem at panel. She can't make them any smaller, she says. Teyona has to invoke mystery, and Jay tells her to relax her mouth. Celia's mystery, however, gets raves. Tahlia has to be sensual as well. She arches an eyebrow and says she's thinking of her boyfriend. Jay thinks the boyfriend must be doing something right. Maybe that's why Tahlia wanted to go home in the first place. Fo has to look alluring, and Beth likes her confidence. Fo does the gay snap, because she's learning things. Sandra is told to give mystery, and Jay says that she makes him nervous. Sandra, of course, thinks she's the best. Natalie is asked to be sensual, and Jay says that she's evoking Victoria's Secret, in a good way. Aminat and Tahlia look pissed.

With the lesson over, it's time for the test. Jay tells the girls that as an icon you have to be able to give all kinds of different expressions. He removes a sheet that's covering something bigger than him, and as the girls look surprised and delighted we head to commercials.

When we return, we are privy to the big reveal. Under the sheet, you will be surprised to learn, is a giant cardboard cut-out of one Tyra Banks. It's a posed shot, but there's one big difference from all the usual shots of Tyra we see: her face is cut out. Seriously, it's like they went through my diary. Jay shot this photo with Tyra and says that he knows exactly what her face was doing. It was demanding that he get her a latte and an order of ribs. With the other girls out of the room, each girl is going to put her face in the blank face-hole of two cut outs of her choice (I believe there are five altogether) and give a facial expression based on Tyra's body language. It's just like a carnival... OF HORRORS. Jay says that it's very important to connect your face to your body and convey an emotion. His Botox no longer allows him to do this, but he believes it as a philosophy.

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America's Next Top Model

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