We're over halfway through the season, folks! I mean, thank God. Soon the remaining five girls will head to Morocco, and then the winner will appear in Vogue Italia, and then we will never think of said winner or any of her lesser competitors again. This has been one dramatic cycle so far, with fake eliminations and panic attacks and giant blood-filled (okay, glitter-filled) hamster balls. Tonight, Tyra and crew will catch us up on all the fierce events of the season so far, as well as all the other freaky stuff that we did not get to see. And we'll check in with Cycle 15 winner, Ann! I can't wait to hear if IMG has given her elocution lessons!
This season, Tyra and the Jays did away with the panel interviews at casting week in order to get right into the competition on day one. Tyra understands that some of us miss those panels, and so gives us a peek at some of the weirdos who did not make the cut. It's the crazy losers montage! No, wait. It's just Tyra dressed up as different archetypal Top Model characters - the overconfident ghetto girl, the stupid blonde, and the above-it-all goth chick. At least it's better than the time Tyra played Snow White. Also I really did want to see the girls who didn't get cast! Some of them probably have really awesome afflictions that we'll never know about.
Tyra brought 32 girls to L.A., but she and the Jays made their decisions behind the scenes and then faux-eliminated the actual top twelve. We flash back to Alexandria being a champ and taking the news well and not being annoying at all. Pretty soon afterwards, though, Tyra revealed the truth to the girls, and showed them that they were in fact standing in their own penthouse loft. There was an animal print theme in the house and a glorious bathtub and a lot of pictures of Tyra at age 16, which had to make some of these girls feel ancient. We see Sara -- remember her? It took me like three minutes to get her name, because as soon as these girls are eliminated they vanish from my brain just like they vanish from the picture before the closing credits. It's the only way I maintain even a marginal sense of sanity. Anyway, Sara says to someone, "Go get your pendulum. It's so much fun." Say what, now? Well, it turns out that resident hippie Hannah has a magic crystal. Yes, a magic crystal. Hannah explains that this crystal, which hangs on a metal chain and is thus known as a "pendulum," checks in with people's chakras, which Hannah thinks have something to do with auras. It's very precise. The pendulum goes from swinging in circles to swaying back and forth, which seems to freak everyone out. I'm sure if they were allowed Ouija Boards they'd bust that out, too, only to find the ghost of Janice Dickinson constantly lurking with a rusty steak knife.