America's Next Top Model
Highlights

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Intercultural Intermission

Oh, and then remember how the first photo shoot was the absolute worst? The ladies portrayed various icons from their respective cultures in a 3-D motion capture shot. Trampolines were involved. And the poor Native American girl had to portray Pocahontas. It was the worst of times! At panel, Tyra introduced new judge Kelly Cutrone, who smiled exactly three times throughout the season and constantly made me miss Andre Leon Talley. British model Jasmia was eliminated, in part for having to wear a really wack John Lennon costume from Party City that made her look like a pedophile. That was a set up if I ever saw one.

And then it's time for a wacky reminder of the linguistic differences between the US and UK! The Brits have no idea what boy shorts are. The horror! In England, it turns out, they're known as knickers. And vacuums are known as Hoovers! Of course no one could understand anything that poor Scottish Ashley was saying, ever. To illustrate the point, we get to hear her saying the word "girl" repeatedly, which is a beautiful thing. It sort of sounds like, "Gedddulllllllll," which I imagine is why "You go, girl!" never caught on in Scotland.

This season, the models had no mere makeovers. Nay! They had shakeovers! I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's better or worse than Tyovers. While some models, such as pink-haired Sophie, embraced their new looks, plus-sized Brit Louise was quite surly about the whole thing. She really did NOT want her hair cut shorter. Hopefully she can get some good vitamins across the pond to help it grow back more quickly. Poor Alisha couldn't get used to her weave, and tapped it constantly. She tells us that the net under the weave really irritates her scalp, and that everyone knows when she's coming because of the incessant tapping sound. As evidenced by her last few episodes on the show, it never got better. I do think this is what drove her to finally quit. Alisha wonders why anyone even gets weaves, as any attractiveness added is instantly diminished by the fact that you're walking around banging on your own head all the time. And then the weird hot dog statue behind Alisha starts talking to her in cartoon bubbles. Is that a sunburn-related hallucination?

The British models then get a lesson in Native American culture from Mariah, who is the first tribal enrolled Native American member to ever be on the show. They ask if she wears moccasins and does cool dances, and the answers to those questions are yes and yes. She also speaks another language! We are torn from this legitimately interesting cultural thing by a legitimately horrifying cultural thing in the form of Kris Jenner dressed as a mommy dominatrix for the week's photo shoot. Laura and Ashley did a great job dressed as creepy-whore-doll-children, but the judges did not enjoy Mariah's porny take on the whole thing. She was the first tribal enrolled Native American member to ever be sent home from the show.

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America's Next Top Model

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