America's Next Top Model

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Here Comes The Pain Again

Dominique, meanwhile, is pretty upset about the ganging up. She thinks the girls are doing it because she's so strong, and is very hurt. She talks to her mom on the phone about how everyone hates her. Dominique's mom probably knows this song by heart. And I mean, Claire and Lauren seem pretty even-keeled by nature, so Dominique must be REALLY annoying for them to go off like this. Dominique cries about it in her interview, and says that the other girls have no compassion. It makes me feel a little bad for her, but mostly because her crushing lack of self-awareness. Commercials.

When we return, Dominique is still crying to her mom about how everyone hates her. Her mom tells her to let it go, because she can't control it, and she's on a journey and needs to keep her eyes on the prize. And, like, go read that Eckhart Tolle book that Oprah's always talking about or whatever. Dominique tells us that she doesn't have to go after anyone to do well in the competition -- she just has to be herself and do well and rock her challenges and photo shoots. And, of course, keep acting like a crazy bitch because then she will make it to at least the final four.

Tyra Mail! "You ladies are SICK! But I'll help you get better. Love, Tyra." The girls head to their limo. When the screen between the back of the limo and the driver drops down, it reveals Tyra. She tells the girls that she's been driving the damn cab every day of the week. I'm sure it's just a special investigative report for The Tyra Banks Show. And then she'll be all, "I spent a day undercover behind the wheel of a taxi cab, and it changed my life forever." And next season, the girls will have to dress up as immigrant cabbies who are living on scant tips and a dream. Tyra tells the girls to go upstairs and get dressed. They head to the locker room of a dance studio, where they find bright red skintight ensembles. When they stand in a row, it's like the thermometer aisle at CVS. Lauren, being naturally uncoordinated and rhythmless, thinks she's screwed.

Tyra enters the dance studio in a trench coat and a wig. She will soon rip off the trench coat to reveal...an armpit wig with tiny little bangs. Fierce. She tells the girls that there have been lots of complaints about their walks, chief among them being that they don't do the de rigueur three-second pose at the end of the catwalk. They practice together as Tyra yells things like, "Keep it fierce! Let me feel the wind in the hair! Work it! Fierceness! Fierceness!" It's like the marines, once they started letting gays in the military. Oh! And then Tyra does whip off her trench coat. That she wants us to kiss her fat ass remains unspoken, but the sentiment fills the air like the aroma of barbeque sauce.

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America's Next Top Model

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