America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | 729 USERS: C+
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If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere

Both teams meet at once for their third casting, which is with Stacey Bendet of Alice + Olivia. You can tell she's a total bitch. Possibly in a delightful way. Possibly not. Stacey tells the girls to be fun and animated in the clothes. She doesn't think that Dominique has a true model look, seems ambivalent about Claire, and thinks that Stacy-Ann is animated with a good energy to her. Stacey gives a half-hearted, "Cuuuute," when Whitney walks. Then it's time for team two to walk. Stacey thinks that Fatima has a great body and looks amazing in the clothes. She is not one to shy away from the size zero! Stacey has no commentary on Anya. She probably thought a ghost was wafting through the showroom again. Katarzyna is cute as a button with a really pretty face and great body, says Stacey. And then, Stacey says, "Lauren...she's very tall. But, I mean, horse walk! She's kind of, like, stomping through the showroom. It was kind of funny." She totally just openly mocked Lauren! Stacey is our kind of girl. If we loved girls in bright pink with huge bags under their eyes. This bitch needs to sleep it off, and then we'll make our final assessment.

The girls stand before Ann Shoket, the editor-in-chief of Seventeen, to learn how their go-sees went. The designers thought that team one walked well and had terrific personalities, but they were lacking in personal presentation. Comb your hair, bitches! The Team Two girls were beautiful and had great photos, but they were lacking in personality and their runway needed a lot of work. Lauren totally dragged down their average. Team One wins the challenge. And Stacy-Ann booked the most jobs of anyone! Yay! I love her and feel like the editors are not doing her justice. Team One gets to be in a gorgeous summer beauty story for Seventeen. Claire is happy that her team won, but is bummed that she didn't get the individual kudos. Well, maybe you shouldn't have been so annoying, then.

Team One goes to Hearst Studio D, Seventeen's in-house studio. They put on some bathing suits for their summer beauty story. Dominique is so excited she has to fan herself. Or maybe she's finally realized that upper lip sweat is unbecoming.

Tyra Mail! "Put your best face forward but be careful not to get washed out. Love, Tyra." Anya thinks they're going through the car wash. Lauren needs it. She also feels like she's really behind the other girls, who have already mastered the art of bipedalism. She's trying to change and learn, but it's a process. The girls head to the site of their shoot, and the first thing they see is Mr. Jay, with a cable attached to his back, walking on a giant treadmill. Anya says, "He was walking, and walking. He looked like a robot. Like a silver robot." Like an orange robot with silver hair, is what she means. Some other folks hop up on the treadmill with him, then fall off at the end. On purpose. Mr. Jay starts running as, like, we hear Gregorian chants set to a techno beat or some shit. Then a big wall of boxes comes hurtling toward Jay, and he bursts through it. Bits of paper go flying everywhere. Well, that was the theatrical experience of a lifetime, wasn't it?

America's Next Top Model

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