It's early go-see week! But first, the sloppy sluts engage in some coffee making. Fatima has some coffee in the press, and apparently Lauren throws it out. Or maybe there really wasn't that much coffee in there in the first place. In any case, this is all a demonstration in Lauren actually having a secret load of stank, as she makes a fresh batch and tells Fatima to choke on it. And more! Awesome. The girls head to Elite, where they are broken into two go-see teams and get a GPS cell phone to help them navigate, as they'll have to walk the whole time. Team one is Claire, Dominique, Whitney and Stacy-Ann. We'll call them, "Team Happiness and Harmony, Until the Alarm Clock Goes Off." Team two is Lauren, Fatima, Katarzyna and Anya. We'll call them, "Frankenstein and the U.N."

The teams first head to Pamella Roland, where Whitney gets confirmation that size 10 = hoss. Then again, Fatima is too skinny for Pamella Roland, so maybe the bitches are just like my mother: never satisfied. Whitney fares better at a go-see with Shoshanna Gruss, formerly known as Jerry Seinfeld's jailbait girlfriend. She actually likes to use different body types in her runway show, so Whitney regains some of her hoss confidence, much to the chagrin of Dominique. Lauren retains her Lurch-like quality throughout all the go-sees, including the final one with Alice + Olivia. Team Happiness and Harmony, Until the Alarm Clock Goes Off wins, with Stacy-Ann booking the most jobs of all the girls. They get to shoot a summer beauty story for Seventeen.

The photo shoot for the week is kicked off by Jay running on a giant treadmill then busting through a big wall of cardboard boxes. Anya thinks he looks like a silver robot, because on her planet everyone is orange-blind. Turns out the whole shoot is inspired by a whack-ass theater troupe called Fuerza Bruta, and the girls will have to flop around -- with no hair and makeup -- in some big, suspended plastic thingy filled with water. Claire does a face plant into the plastic thingy, and has to take a minute to assess whether she has actually done some damage to her head and neck. Katarzyna gets a haircut and cries, but then gets over it. And generally everyone is all squishy and wet.

The judges are infused with the spirit of Simon Cowell this week, as Paulina references Katarzyna's weird Easter European tackiness and Miss J. calls her "Neutrogena," and Nigel says it looks like Dominique styled her hair with semen. Fatima excels and Whitney looks like a sonogram -- a fierce sonogram. It's Lauren's weakest shoot to date, and she winds up in the bottom two with Claire, who is becoming one-note and, it must be said, kind of annoying. In the end, Lurch wins out and Claire heads back to her family with only some powdered milk and a broken neck for her troubles. Toodles.