America's Next Top Model

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If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere

When the girls get home, there is Tyra Mail. One bitch is going home. Whitney tells us that failure isn't an option, especially after the go-sees. It pisses her off, but it's also motivation, and she can't go home. The girls talk about how hard the photo shoot was, and Lauren says she's worried. She hopes she does well. Dominique, meanwhile, looks forward to more hard shoots, because they make her more marketable. Yes, loony bins in five states are now recruiting Dominique. Success! She says that the girl who doesn't pull this shoot off is definitely the girl who doesn't go home. Well, that's a twist. Commercials.

We enter panel with a shot of Tyra looking particularly alienesque as she presses her face to a shower door streaked with Crisco. Fenza Buente! Or whatever. There are prizes. There are judges. The guest judge of the week is Karen Lee of Elite. Oh! And then it's time for a moment of inspiration. There was a totally different shoot planned for the girls this week, but then Tyra attended Frente Jacques and was blown away. Not literally, though, or Heidi Klum would be hosting this show, too. Hey, a girl can dream.

Claire is up first for her critique. She acknowledges that she face planted really hard and her neck still hearts. Tyra says, "I heard that you were told not to face plant, but you did anyway, and then got your neck messed up." Dominique is all, "Yeah, girl, I heard that too." And really, I think not face planting is sort of a rule of life, when you can follow it. Nigel thinks that Claire's photo is interesting, although her profile looks very flattened. Claire says that they were all told to face the light, and Nigel gives her a quick lesson in looking toward the light while not sucking. Paulina likes it and thinks it's a lovely shot, while Miss J. can only think about scratching the bug off of his windshield. It's all very Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairies.

Stacy-Ann, the challenge winner, is next. Nigel thinks that the angle of Stacy-Ann's face works well. Karen Lee thinks it's a nice silhouette and likes her eye contact, but says that her mouth could have been more relaxed. Tyra notes that Stacy-Ann struggled with this shoot, and it made getting her best shot really difficult. Stacy-Ann just can't win. Katarzyna and her new haircut are up next. Tyra still can't pronounce her name. But no matter, because her hair gets raves. Paulina says that the weird Eastern European tackiness is now gone. As if that isn't enough, Miss J. says, "I do love your haircut, Neutrogena, I just absolutely love it." Ha...ha? Her photo is beautiful, and all the judges love it. And Tyra still can't pronounce her name.

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America's Next Top Model

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