America's Next Top Model

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Girls on Film
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Wait, there's no "previously on?" Maybe it's just my ghetto Rhode Island CW channel that's running an iParty ad followed by a "TV to talk about" promo? Well, in any case, as far as I can remember, some crunk shit happened. With ninjas. An indeterminate number of bitches remain! (Seriously, from week to week it's like I have a Dollhouse brain wipe.)

In any case, we begin in the house with Rae holding a yellow envelope. She has received a letter. Jennifer, who is braiding Nicole's hair, congratulates Rae for not whining about how much she misses her stupid kid all the time. Rae tells us that being separated from her daughter is the most difficult thing she's ever done. But she also knows that being here is the right thing for her to do. Because she can actually get a full night's sleep, and not walk around with dried-up vomit on her collar all day. Rae plans to be strong in the competition and put herself out there more, because she needs to stand out among the crowd of girls. I think that Rae stands out plenty, on account of being so actually attractive, but apparently the judges disagree, thus facilitating the "no personality" edit of the season.

Meanwhile, Nicole admires her best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Erin interviews, "Unfortunately, Nicole can take a beautiful photo." And now last week's drama is coming back to me. Everyone hates Nicole! To wit, Erin continues that not everyone can relate to Nicole's personality, because she's "rather socially inept." This pot/kettle moment has been brought to you by irony. Oh, and ha! Erin continues that she knows she has the personality that most girls can relate to. In fact, most girls are insufferable, so she might have a point. Rae and Nicole, meanwhile, talk about going to work out. Nicole says that first she wants to do something to loosen up, like having a hair tossing competition. See, that's kind of fun, in a head-rushy way. Jennifer judges as Nicole, Erin and Rae compete. Turns out Erin has a mean head-toss, in addition to her mean personality. Rae interviews that Nicole is coming out of her shell, and it's fun to get to know her. She adds that Nicole has an awkward, cool vibe to her. Rae loves it. And so do we! Possibly through editing manipulation, but at this point who cares?

There is Tyra Mail. "You think you know this competition inside and out? We'll see. Love, Tyra." Don't tell me the girls are going to have to pose with innards? Someone asks Laura, who has read the Tyra Mail, if there's anything that's spelled abnormally. Laura clowns that she doesn't know but, like the Fantasia Barrino Lifetime movie, this is, despite appearances, actually quite serious. Laura tells us that she's severely dyslexic, and dyslexic people have a very hard time reading. To her, black and white print looks like it's moving. The audio on this clip is just a little off with the video, like a dubbed movie. Is that deliberate? Are we entering Laura's world? Will the captions on the show now move around like they're doing the Electric Slide? If so: genius. Laura says that she's been called stupid by other kids, and even by teachers. It's been a battle her whole life. And yet she maintains the world's sunniest disposition! I can see now why she's chosen to go into a profession where being literate is actually a liability.

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America's Next Top Model

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