America's Next Top Model

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Girls on Film

The girls arrive at CBS studios and walk onto a stage where they see The Insider's Lara Spencer and "comedian" Ant. I think maybe I recognize him from those VH1 "50 Greatest Things You Were Happy to Have Forgotten About" specials. I know I should tell you what Lara is interviewing Ant about, but I am too distracted by the fact that you can drive a truck through her cleavage. I think she's also wearing a pink shirt with an orange skirt, against the backdrop of a red curtain. Are they trying to give me a seizure? I mean, yes. Lara then mentions something to Ant about him being great in something called "Laugh Whore." Ant gets pissy as he says that "Laugh Whore" was Mario Cantone. Lara apologizes, but Ant storms off. Well, he fake storms off, because this has in fact been a teachable moment. Lara tells the girls that of course this is Ant, who's the host of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. Ah, I didn't recognize him not flanked by a wall of has-been fatties. And Toccara. Lara tells the girls that sometimes interviews do go awry -- interviewers make mistakes and stars are cranky. But, as an interviewer, you just have to apologize and move on. Lara adds that Tyra does this almost better than anybody she's ever seen, particularly the number one fundamental of thinking on your feet. Smizing didn't just invent itself, folks.

Lara and Ant are here to give the girls fundamentals on becoming correspondents, in case they so choose to spend the rest of their lives sitting four feet away from Jon Gosselin. Ant tells the girls that if they're double-threats or triple-threats, meaning that they possess not just one but two or three marketable skills, they'll continue to work. Just like Cycle 5's Kim and Bre. We'll let that claim slide. Nicole interviews that she's filled with dread, since one-on-one conversations are not her forte. It's going to be just like a socially inept fetus doing an interview, isn't it?

The girls each get to take a turn in Lara's seat, while Ant plays the cranky celebrity promoting the film Attack of the Five Foot Models. The girls have to think on their feet, and try to handle what Ant throws their way. Rae is up first, and endures Ant -- playing the character "Magnuson" -- making comments about her breasts. Awesome. Rae asks questions, but is a little bit too eager and ends up cutting off Ant with her follow-up questions before he can answer. Lara tells her to let the interviewee finish, lest her editor kill her for not getting a clean sound bite. Erin is up next, interviewing strung-out actress "Roberta." Roberta doesn't remember anything, which makes Erin blink. Next, Nicole interviews high-strung actor "Norman." Norman goes on a tangent about Nicole's hair, which makes Nicole just sit there in silence. Lara tells her that she should try to tie Norman's boring anecdote to his film. Nicole sits there in silence some more, then stumbles through another non-question. To her credit, she knows she's terrible. Next, Laura interviews "Cameron," a diva. A diva-ish Cameron asks Laura if she's looking at her eyes, and Laura responds, "Yes, right at them eyes." I mean, I think that would win over even cracked-out Whitney. Cameron continues to be a nit, and Lara tells Laura that she needs to reign in some diva-ass.

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America's Next Top Model

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