If you were looking forward to an episode in which people pick on Kyle a bunch and she threatens to go home seventeen times, and in which Eboni talks a lot about how she's a grown-ass woman even though she looks about eight, you're in luck!
For the week's challenge, brand strategist of indeterminate Nordic origins Martin Lindstrom has the girls film ad-libbed commercials for random fake products with dual purposes, like glow in the dark facial tissue or breath-freshening coffee. They're supposed to incorporate their stupid fake superpowers as well, and focus on giving a positive first impression to potential consumers. The Brits are pretty good overall, though Ashley does get very weird in her ad for scented toilet paper and lets us in on the fact that her boyfriend is a butt sniffer. Annaliese and Sophie in particular know how to be affably pushy and likably perky, respectively. On the American side, there are a lot of clunkers, and Laura seems to want to do something nefarious with trash bags.
Martin freaks everyone out when he reveals that the judges for this challenge will be a focus group of real live consumers who will evaluate the commercials and talk about who they like best. The poor models have to watch their evaluations, and we quickly learn that focus groups are mean and racist. One guy actually criticizes Alisha's "African accent," and the look on J. Alexander's face is priceless. The focus group likes Annaliese, Sophie and Kyle the best. The praise for Kyle is controversial, as she was likable but actually kind of sucked at trying to sell the product. Such is the power of Next-Doorsia! Several of the others turn on her, and she runs out of the room and says that she's not sure if she wants to stay in the competition. Everyone basically thinks that she needs to grow a) tougher skin; b) a set of ovaries, and eventually J. Alexander talks her off of the ledge. In the end, Annaliese wins the challenge and the entire British team gets diamond bracelets. Kyle calls home with news that she wants to go home, and her mom wisely advises her to sleep on it.
The week's photo shoot has the girls modeling extravagant British hats in classic American cars, with male models as drivers. Nigel is the photographer for this shoot, which takes place at the Sepulveda Dam. Despite her blasé attitude, Azmarie really rocks her shot and gets best photo for the second week in a row. She's followed by Laura, who has also been doing consistently well, and Kyle, who stays silent about the whole wanting to go home thing. Sophie narrowly avoids the bottom two, despite the fact that Kelly Cutrone wouldn't stop talking about how she looked like she was modeling maternity clothes. Seymone and Candace are up for elimination, and in the end it's Candace who is cut for being wholly unable to model, at all, even in the slightest. She tries to call out the unfairness of her being eliminated when there is someone in the house who apparently doesn't even want to be there. Tyra schools her by reminding us all that Naomi Campbell was totally mean to her back in the day, and that everyone has moments of weakness. She cares less about Kyle's emotional vacillations, and more about the fact that Candace doesn't have a clue what to do with her amazing face. There's a reason she was rejected from the show eight times, after all.
Last week: Louise freaked the fuck out on the runway and stormed off, and Kelly Cutrone put another notch on her box of Neither Nice Nor Easy "Black as Your Soul" hair dye. No one else was eliminated, and now the Americans have six bitches remaining while the Brits have only five.
This week, we start by focusing on the girls in the post-elimination holding room. Alisha is still shaken, and says she's disappointed in Louise because she was something of a role model. A cranky, pissy, finger-sucking role model, but a role model nonetheless. Sophie tells us that the Brits are having a hard time of it generally. They're down another person, they haven't gotten best picture once, and they haven't been working as a cohesive team a la the Americans. However, Sophie suspects that the Americans are starting to turn on each other a bit, proving that if you wait around long enough, it's bound to happen.
Then out of nowhere Eboni gets really pissed and says that she knows her photos were better, she had a better attitude, and also didn't complain after the shoot. But... she's totally complaining now. What's her point, here? Eboni explains that Tyra wants her to be something that she's not, namely a competent model. Also, Tyra deemed her "30-Never," which implies girlish freshness, and then the judges told her she looked like a prostitute in her photo, which she did. A prostitute under the bridge, even. Eboni says that the judges want to portray her as a baby, but she doesn't know what it's like to act like a kid. She didn't grow up with her mom, and her single-parent dad couldn't pay the mortgage on their house so they lost it. She's 18, but she's been through a lot of shit, and clearly can't fake her way as a happy-go-lucky teen. Eboni yells at the other girls that she's a fucking adult, and is grown as fuck, and she's sick of hearing Kyle complain that she didn't look punk enough. Kyle has a distinctly WTF reaction, which seems appropriate in this situation. What's Kyle got to do, got to do with it, you may ask? She thinks that Eboni is mad because Kyle has been called before her at every single panel, likely because Kyle doesn't completely suck at being a model. As she tells us that Eboni can be as mad as she wants and she doesn't give a fuck, we head to the credits. So many f-bombs in that three minute opening!
When the models return home, there's a big box of tacky presents for the Americans in honor of Azmarie's best-of-week photo. Even the Brits hug Azmarie for her victory, mostly because they want to get with her. Even the houseplants are stretching their fronds closer and closer to her impressive biceps. Candace, meanwhile, is not having the best time of it. She was in the bottom four last week, and was only spared by Louise's freak out. Candace knows she's lucky, because her photo shoot was a hot mess. She reminds us that she tried out for this show eight times, which is either a mark of persistence or mental illness, or persistent mental illness. She feels like something good is going to happen for her, which proves that she is a bad psychic as well as a bad model.