America's Next Top Model
J. Alexander

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Kyle acknowledges that she's previously had doubts about staying in this competition, and now is starting to wonder if she should go home and finish school instead of humiliating herself repeatedly on national television. I mean, that IS one option. Get a degree in social work or special education! Don't allow yourself to be featured on America's Next Top Model All-Stars: Cycle 35! Miss J. follows Kyle to talk her down, perhaps out of the goodness of his heart but also, I'm sure, because it can't look good for the show to have two models walk out in two consecutive weeks. Kyle tells J. that Eboni in particular is a bitch, and if she stays she might have to pound her face in. At least the burn mark gives her a convenient target. Miss J. tells Kyle that she has something, and he thinks she should only go home when the judges send her home. I think before anyone voluntarily walks, they should be contractually obligated to eat a full loaf of haggis.

The girls all regroup for their evaluation. Martin tells them that they have numerous focus groups in their future, and should be willing to learn from some of the feedback and discard the rest. In other words, Alisha needn't worry about her "African accent." Kyle, Sophie and Annaliese were liked best by the focus group, but it's Annaliese who is named the winner. Her Excite-to-Buy powers came in handy, and this victory is completely non-controversial because she actually was really good. The Brits are quite excited to have finally won something, particularly something involving diamonds.

Back at home, there is Tyra Mail: "Hold on to your hats, and prepare for a bumpy ride. Fierce and Love, Tyra." Oh, and then fucking Kyle calls her mom and complains about how she wants to go home. Kyle explains to us that at one time she really did want to be America's Next Top Model, but now all the stress is getting to her and not even crispy fresh breath can keep her spirits up. Kyle's mom doesn't want her to leave just because some bitches are being mean to her, and tells her to get some sleep before making a final decision. The other girls talk about the Kyle predicament, and we finally get to the Annaliese clip we've been seeing in all the previews when she says, "Get your shit together, you gots ta go!" I am sympathetic to a "shit or get off the pot" argument. As crazy as Louise was, at least we didn't have to listen to her whine for a whole episode before she walked. With this, we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model




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