America's Next Top Model
J. Alexander

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When we return, the girls head to the iconic Sepulveda Dam, which has been home to countless commercial and movie shoots. Jay Manuel and Nigel come riding up in classic cars that are bumping all over the place, intentionally. Alisha more or less calls them the Snoop Doggs of fashion. Today's photo shoot combines British and American cultures by having the girls model extravagant British hats from Philip Treacy -- I believe they're called "fascinators" -- in classic American cars. They cars have shiny paint and tricked-out hydraulics, which is what makes them bounce up and down in a rather alarming manner.

The girls head into hair and makeup, where they're done up in gowns and their elaborate hats. Kyle tells the makeup artist about how sad she was last night and how she misses her family, which allows Candace an opportunity to explain again that Kyle isn't tough enough for this shit. Her ultimate message is: if you want to leave, leave. Azmarie is first on set, looking gorgeous in a long, slinky red dress and wide-brimmed black hat. Jay tells her that she looks like an old Pierre Cardin ad, and the whole thing is amazing. Nigel does give her the helpful advice not to have a butch face and butch body at the same time. Catherine is next in a flowing blue-green dress and bright pink hat. She seems to do fairly well, though Seymone assures us that the Brits might be doing a little bit better overall, but certainly aren't making a comeback. Alisha shows that she was ahead of the trend as she sticks her Gamatronica leg out of her long dress with a high slit. Do you think someone called Angelina Jolie "Gamarhubarb" and that led to her Oscar leg madness?

Then there's Kyle. She says that she might not stay in the competition anymore, but if she DOES she's going to transition from being a sweet Texas girl to being a bitch. America's Next Top Model: molding the futures of young women since 2003. Kyle sits on a classic car and Jay screams "gorgeous!" and Eboni tells us that Kyle is packed and waiting by the door and should just get the hell out. Oh wow, I wasn't even aware that was happening, the show has handled it with such a light touch. Ashley is next and looks really pretty, though things get weird when Nigel tells her to feel the car bouncing under her hand. You knew we couldn't have him behind the lens without things getting skeevy at some point. Then there's Seymone, who just kind of sits on top of her car's back seat. Jay tells her to laugh or interact with her driver, but Seymone can't get it together and admits that she has no idea what she's going to do. Nigel tells us that Seymone was so removed from the moment that it made it hard for him as a photographer. He pulls her out, and says that time is money and he needs her to come with a game plan. Eventually she seems to get it together a little bit, and is crossing her fingers that she'll wind up with a decent photo for panel.

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America's Next Top Model

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