Okay, is it just me, or was this the weirdest Top Model episode on record? Four words: "Inspired by Nene Leakes." But I'm getting ahead of myself. With Bre's elimination, Bianca is clique-less amidst a bunch of cliquey hyenas. But don't fret! This doesn't make her any nicer, and in fact she gets into it with Alexandria before the credits even roll. Something about the shower, I don't know. For this week's challenge, the girls get to work with Ben Bennett, founder and creative director of Hatch Beauty, to make their own signature fragrance. Then maybe they can make millions of dollars just like Liz Taylor does, even from the dead! Each model chooses three fragrances that will be blended into a perfume that they get to name themselves, and which represents them. Shannon's "Smitten" smells like an unsullied hymen. Angelea names her fragrance "Angelea," which does not get nearly enough attention. It smells like a romantic evening spent in a Greyhound station. Just when you'd think that Allison takes the prize with her fragrance named "Honey Blood," Alexandria comes along and makes a very exacting blend called -- wait for it! -- "Diamondatrix." In the words of my beloved Bianca, "That girl can work a nerve."
The second part of the challenge has the girls launching their fragrance at an event with fans. Each has a station that includes a bathtub and a lot of scented products. Nigel wants the girls to be in the bathtubs selling their product. Most of them are game for this, but Bianca finds the whole idea to be crazy and undignified. She wants to conduct herself as a lady, and to be taken seriously as a model rather than as a gimmick. Well, she sure picked the wrong show. But good for her for having a grasp of the concept of self-respect. As the other girls splash around in lingerie or cocktail dresses, Bianca stands stoic, even when approached by Nigel and special guest Eva Marcille. That's Eva Marcille NEE PIGFORD. Never forget, people. Never forget. Lisa splashes her way to victory in this challenge, with a fragrance that I can only imagine smells like prune juice. She wins immunity this week, and Nigel also announces that the winner of this season will be the face of some sort of ANTM-related fragrance that will combine the spicy aroma of a booty tooch with subtle notes of beer-infused weave.
And then this happens: For the photo shoot of the week, the girls ride around Hollywood on the back of a motorcycle while portraying either Snooki or NeNe Leakes. I KNOW. The words "Inspired by NeNe Leakes" appear as a caption like five times. I was so shocked by this development that I honestly couldn't really pay attention for a full 20 minutes. Bianca makes some bad choices regarding pickles, and Lisa, in character as Nene, actually says to Jay Manuel: "Black girls don't go on motorcycles." Alexandria waves her finger. I don't know. And then Kathy Griffin is the guest judge. She does a bit with Tyra, and also calls Allison out for looking like a Brady Bunch kid. Imagine her singing "Sunshine Day," and you'll agree that it's a good call. As she predicted, the judges ask Bianca why she didn't splash around in a bathtub with her perfume as instructed, and her argument that Beyoncé wouldn't do it goes unappreciated by all. The judges are very excited to put her in her place, and she lands in the bottom three along with Shannon and Kayla. It's a double elimination, and even though she's lost her sizzle, Shannon is spared. Kayla and Bianca are sent home to the sounds of me sobbing.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We enter in the post elimination limo, where Lisa has released a solitary tear in memory of the late Bre Scullark. Lisa was shocked at Bre's elimination, and reminds us that the two of them were on the same cycle initially. Doesn't that seem impossible? I mean, partly because I thought Lisa was on Top Model: Cycle B.C. Lisa predicts that things will get interesting in the house now that Bianca doesn't have a bodyguard. We flash back to Bre physically creating a protective zone and insisting that everything was good as Bianca accused people of being crying Christians and whatnot. For her part, Lisa would enjoy seeing a nice, peaceful exit on Bianca's part. Shocker, I know, given how much those two enjoy and respect one another as friends and competitors.
Meanwhile, we are reminded that Alexandria was in the bottom two with Bre and did not go home. It's like each week I turn on this show and forget everything that happened before, and am shocked afresh that Alexandria is still lurking about. Tyra Banks lives to torture us, and that's the truth. Tyra told Alexandria that she looked like a reality TV contestant in her photos. Alexandria was upset by this, even though it was merely a statement of fact. And, given what takes place in this week's photo shoot, it was also laced with either irony or cluelessness. Shannon then jumps in to say that the judges told her last week to be more edgy and less safe in her pictures. She interprets this as them wanting her to be raunchier. Take one guess as to whether Shannon is down with being raunchy. Shannon explains that raunchiness does not mix well with her Godly brand, and she's not changing for anybody. I love how every time anyone gives her a suggestion, she feels that they want her to let Lucifer sodomize her or something. It's very tiresome, no?
The girls return home and see Dominique's best of week photo displayed as digital art. Can you believe she's still here, too? It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world. Bianca is not happy to see Dominique's photo up there, and says that she's kind of adrift since her BFF Bre went home. Basically, it sounds like she has no friends. She explains that the house is very cliquey, and she is currently clique-less. Bianca is alone in the wilderness, with a bunch of hyenas surrounding her. It's a pretty astute metaphor, particularly if you get a good look at Lisa's profile. Bianca knows that she needs a game plan if she's going to avoid being a hyena snack.
Angelea reiterates to us that things in the house are crazy, and adds that Bianca and Alexandria had some sort of disagreement about who was to get in the shower first. We see this in action, and it basically involves Bianca telling Alexandria to calm down, and Alexandria telling Bianca to grow up. Bianca interviews that she made the impossible possible by actually liking Alexandria last season and genuinely believing that she was misunderstood. However, now that Bianca has gotten to know Alexandria, she can see why the other girls all unabashedly hated her so much. Alexandria then gives Bianca shit about not being as "real" as she claims, and Bianca gives the verbal equivalent of a touch football "Bam!" by tossing a dismissive, "Call me when you become an all-star," over her shoulder. With this, we hit the credits.
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