Hello, friends! If you're out there just going about your life and not feeling really old, I'd like to drop some information on you. Yes, good people, it's the 18th season (or, to be precise, cycle) of America's Next Top Model. How did we get here, you may ask? Does this mean that it would actually be better if that whole Mayan calendar thing turns out to be true? All good questions, I assure you. I just did some rough math and discovered that I have written approximately 1,350,000 words about America's Next Top Model through the years. Over a million words! About America's Next Top Model! That factoid made me envision a tiny hole in my head from which gray matter leaks out in the form of over a million words about America's Next Top Model. To look on the bright side: at least we're not Nigel Barker.
Anyway, Tyra has a Fierce Flash for us! (Yes, she really said "Fierce Flash.") This just in: the British are coming! The British are coming! If only Paul Revere could come back from the dead and guest judge. The British who are coming are NOT Revolutionary War redcoats. Rather, it's the same pretty-ish morons we always are treated to, but with kicky accents. That's right, everyone. This season Tyra has pitted seven aspiring models from across the U.S.A. against seven up and coming imports from the U.K. These Brits have competed on previous cycles of Britain's Next Top Model, though I'm guessing none of them were winners. It's not the Fourth of July, or....Boxing Day?...but Tyra promises that we will see fireworks. Welcome to America's Next Top Model: British Invasion.
We enter with an introduction to American AzMarie, 24 from Milwaukee. AzMarie tells us that her androgyny is one of her greatest assets, and that she can butch or femme it up, depending on what's required. And I'm here to tell you that either way, she's excessively hot. Then we meet Sophie, 21, from Oxford, England. She points out that the dictionary is also from her hometown. Sophie says that America's Next Top Model is her ticket to cracking the American market. I mean, look at how well it's worked out for Angelea! (Angelea: NEVER FORGET.) Sophie appears to be a leopard print enthusiast, which does not bode well. We then meet Kyle, 20, from Magnolia, Texas. She grew up in a small country town and can't believe that she is in Universal Studios, a place designed specifically to appeal to people like herself. Throw on a big pair of white sneakers and a couple of crying kids, and she's basically amongst her kind.