America's Next Top Model
Kris Jenner

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Enter the Haggis

When we return, Sophie is still loving her life and does a little dance with Azmarie. In contrast, we cut to Louise who is still complaining. Kyle tells us that Louise has an attitude problem, and no one wants to talk to her because she's so bitchy. She definitely gives off a strong mean vibe, like her soul is made of umeboshi. I'm not sure how or why, but eventually Louise acquiesces and Sally puts in some lowlights. In an interview, Louise says that she has a little boy haircut and looks like Justin Bieber. While that's true if you squint a little, I'd actually call it straight-up Suze Orman. Louise then goes on to say that with her hair chopped she's the "most powerfulest one" there. That's because she now has the power to approve or deny her competitors' financial decisions. "I want to buy this booty tooching enhancer!" "Denied, girlfriend!"

Back at the house, the Brits once again discuss how they need to get it together and make this a real competition. Sophie says calmly, "We need to psych them out." A girl after my own heart! Am I the only one who enjoys Sophie? In any case, the Brits realize that a bunch of the Americans wound up having very similar makeovers. We cut to Sophie telling Eboni that the Americans have to work harder against each other, because they all have the same hair. If there were three girls with pink hair, for example, Sophie says she'd be worried. Alisha adds that Eboni, Kyle and Mariah all have long straight hair with bangs, and that she thinks one of those three bitches is leaving. Eboni's worried look is exacerbated by the GIANT BURN on her cheek. When she first started crying about the curling iron thing it may have seemed over the top, but then you see the baby-fist-shaped mark on her cheek and wonder if Bankable Productions is going to pay for her reconstructive surgery. But back to the issue at hand. I'd say this psych-out is merely a valid observation. The British bitches are totally right!

And then, it's time for what is perhaps the worst challenge to ever grace our screen. There are two tables set up - one for the US, and one for the UK. Each is covered in nasty food native to its respective country, and there is a note from Nigel saying the US girls have to eat the UK food and vice versa. Some of the food is actually pretty normal, like peanut butter or corn on the cob. Is there really no peanut butter in Britain? That is madness. But then there's, like, pickled pig's feet and I think a big block of Spam. On the British side, there are delicacies such as blood pudding and haggis and something called cockles. The worst part about all this is that it doesn't seem like there's even a prize, other than explosive diarrhea.

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America's Next Top Model

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