America's Next Top Model
Kris Jenner

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Enter the Haggis

The photographer for the day is Douglas Friedman, who appropriately has a child molester moustache. Catherine tells us she's nervous, because, "I've never had a photo shoot like a toddler before. Like, to be a baby, and be beautiful, and model-ly as well, not just acting like a baby, is really difficult." I mean, right. The girls get ready for the shoot, and then Jay and Kris meet them backstage. Kris is dressed like a sinister madame, which of course is a shout-out to her actual job. To further highlight this point, Kendall and Kylie Jenner (the Kardashian-adjacent sisters who are the daughters of Kris and Bruce "plastic surgery nightmare" Jenner -- and seriously if you want a creepy photo, just throw him in the background next to the plastic clown) are going to be in the photos too, dressed like the twins from The Shining. The models act like they're really excited about it, which hopefully isn't actually true.

Once again, these are group shots. Annaliese and Seymone are together in the first photo, as Kris reads them a story. Sophie and Ashley confessionalize that Annaliese rocked it, and they're not being biased. However, they do like Seymone as a person. Ashley says this is because Seymone told her that she's her favorite Brit. So did a bunch of other people! Sophie is jealous. Jay tells us that Seymone looked beautiful, but there was a spark missing. Kyle and Mariah are next. Mariah looks SO much like Britney in her creepy child's makeup! Her body position gets very awkward and Jay has to correct her a few times. Commentators Sophie and Ashley, the Statler and Waldorf of this shoot, think that both girls look the same with their matching haircuts, and also that Kyle's face is too long. In the end, the photo seems to work out, judging by Jay's comments. Alisha tells us that Mariah is beautiful but boring, and as a model you need to have some spice.

Next, we have Laura, Catherine, and Sophie. Kris tells them, "Here's the thing...you have to find your own space in this crib." Right. Important modeling advice that will come in handy many times in the future, I'm sure. Sophie seems confident that she and Catherine are going to take out Laura. Laura, however, gets to break out of the crib a little as she reaches for her baby bottle that she's dropped on the floor. Meanwhile, Kris Jenner stands there in her madame/French maid outfit looking smug. Candace and Eboni are next, and Jay furthers the feminist discourse by telling one to be the good girl and the other to be the bad girl. What if they just wore "Virgin" and "Whore" onesies? Laura reminds us of Eboni's giant burn mark, then tells us that she doesn't really care because she doesn't care about Eboni. Someone's feeling the team spirit! Ashley and Sophie make fun of Candace's trout pout, which is legit criticism.

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America's Next Top Model

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