America's Next Top Model

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Splendor in the Trash

Previously on ANTM: Brittani threw down with Alexandria on the set of a challenge shoot that was filled with important people and ostensibly about working for a cause. Jaclyn excelled and Mikaela faltered on a crazytown Bates Motel photo shoot, but both of their performances were overshadowed at panel when Brittani had a panic attack after being called out by the judges on her crimes of stankery. Tyra wanted to send her ass home, but the other judges outvoted her (yes, it's possible!) and Mikaela was eliminated instead. Six bitches remain!

The girls ride home from panel in their bus, and Brittani confessionalizes that this has pretty much been the worst day of her life. And she lives in a trailer park. Think about it. We flash back to Tyra telling Brittani that she needs to figure out on how own how to prove her value as a human being and her worthiness of being on this show, even though the sole point of this show is to devalue genetically blessed human beings. Brittani cries as she tells us that now Tyra sees her as a horrible person. That's like the lobster pot calling the cast iron skillet fiercely real. Brittani does not want to go home, and shows a little gumption as she says that, whether or not Tyra thinks she deserves to be there, she knows she deserves to be there.

Back in the bus, Brittani eats shit and apologizes to Alexandria in an effort to "clear the plate." These types of mixed metaphors are what happen when you regularly deprive people of food. Brittani says that she's normally non-confrontational and exploded because she kept all of her hatred of Alexandria on the inside, which was the wrong way to approach the situation. If she had been outwardly hostile throughout the previous weeks, none of this would have happened. She apologizes for exploding, and Alexandria thanks her for apologizing. In an interview, Alexandria says that what Brittani did is almost unforgivable. It would take someone of Jesus's or Tyra's magnanimity to forgive Brittani's actions. Alexandria is that person. She claims that she's not dumb, and so still doesn't necessarily trust the other girls, but still she agrees to hug it out. Kasia tells us that the attitude toward Alexandria has flipped, and everyone feels better because their grievances are all out in the open. From under a blue hoodie, Alexandria tells the others that she has no problems with them. Only Molly stands resolute. She says that Alexandria is totally fake, and everyone buys it, which is ridiculous. She asks, "How dumb are you people?" Official measurements from a seismic scale tell us: quite dumb indeed.

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America's Next Top Model

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