This week, the girls take a trip on the Fab Bus -- which is basically a fabulous bus -- for a fashion trivia challenge hosted by none other than season three's Toccara! She has a skinny microphone like Gene Rayburn, and I guess Ren kind of looks like Charles Nelson Reilly in the right light. The winning team (plus Raina, who serves as scorekeeper since she has the best photo last week) get to have a go-see with Bluefly.com, who are not content with solely having an accessories wall on Project Runway. Everyone on the winning team gets a $500 gift certificate, and Simone, who wins the go-see challenge, gets a $2,500 gift certificate and will be featured in Bluefly's spring campaign. The losing team must do inventory in a giant cage.
Meanwhile, there is drama in the house. I know you're surprised. As is usually the case, there's a fair amount of shit-talking. In this episode, it's directed at Brenda, whose maternal ways and Cynthia Nixon/Chucky hair are fair game for mockitude. Ren is privy to this shit-talking and so -- eschewer of drama that she is -- goes directly to Brenda and tells her about it. And then Anslee gets annoyed that Brenda is dramatically complaining about being a shit-talking victim, and the two of them have words. It really makes no sense, but shows us that stank has a new name, and it is Anslee. Ren also talks some more about her sanity and how being on this show isn't worth losing it.
The photo shoot for the week is inspired by dance. Troy Powell, a 10-year star of the Alvin Ailey dance troupe, gives the girls some moves to go along with their various dance genres, ranging from African to disco. Krista's ballerina is an unabashed highlight. Anslee gets to work "Get In Shape Girl" ribbons, while Alasia surprises everyone by turning it out in her interpretive dance shoot. At panel, we are treated to more wisdom from Andre Leon Talley, the first being that pointing your toe in an ankle-strap shoe is patently gauche. In other panel drama, Alasia actually wears her silver one-piece cutout swimsuit, and Tyra asks Ren point-blank if she wants to be there. Ren says that she does, which elicits some choice looks from the other contestants. Alasia has the best photo of the week, closely followed by Angelea. The dreckitude awards are given to Brenda and Ren, who land in the bottom two. As Tyra's giving her spiel, Ren admits that she's only there because she wants her mom to like her. Ren shit-talked her mom quite a bit earlier, so whatever good will was generated by her appearance on this show was probably short-lived. Tyra thanks Ren for her honesty, and then reveals that Brenda was going to stay anyway. Ren heads home and seems pretty happy to be returning to her life of drama-free dreckitude.
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Nekkid photo shoots! Cha-chas were in full display, much to the horror of Mr. Jay. The judges saw a side of Alasia they wish they hadn't -- namely, the back side -- and made a lot of fun of her. Gabrielle was neckless and uninspiring and got the boot. Alasia and Ren battled it out in the Top Model house and Ren confessionalized about the potential loss of her sanity. A windy, rainy beauty shoot proved challenging for Ren and Naduah, who landed in the bottom two. In the end, a cultish past wasn't enough to keep Naduah in the competition, and she was eliminated. Eleven bitches remain!
The girls head back to their house after last week's elimination and see Raina's best of week photo displayed as visual art. Brenda tells us that her last photo shoot didn't go well, and we're reminded that Tyra told Brenda she looked like Rue McClanahan when side lit. Brenda misses her adorable daughter, and coupled with her drastic haircut, she's having a bit of an identity crisis.
Then there's Ren. She tells us that she was 93% sure that she was going to be eliminated. We're reminded that Nigel told her she looked like she was in an ad for H1N1 vaccine. Nigel's trying to keep up with ALT, which, nice try. Normally, Ren would have quit and left the competition, but modeling is her mom's dream for her. Lest you think this is already weird, Ren tells the other girls that she doesn't get along with her mom. Or at least didn't until Ren's mom found out she was going to be on this show, and then started being really nice. Ren interviews that her mom favors her brother, because he takes a freaking shower every once in a while. Meanwhile, Ren is a dirtball. Ren says that her mom took her to the mall to shop for nice clothes and promised to pay for them, but then totally took off when it was time to check out. To make things worse, she left because she got a call from Ren's rival brother. Ren says that she does enjoy modeling, but the majority of her misery comes from the house and the drama. She didn't know it was going to be like this. Cycle 14, is all I'm saying. Do a little research before you sign that contract.
Tyra Mail! "ur fashion knowledge can really take u places. or maybe not. Love, Tyra." Anslee takes a minute to tell us that basically anyone would die to be where they are. In the tee-shirted words of Wham, choose life. Anslee says that much of what they have to do is difficult, but as a 23 year-old mom, being sleep deprived and doing things at odd hours works for her life. Simone tells us that she's always wanted to be a model, and adds that leaving school was a huge sacrifice. She gave up $25,000 worth of tuition, but says that she gave it up for something amazing. And really, having half of your head shaved and slowly getting your confidence beaten out of you is priceless. Simone says she has to let loose and start giving the competition her complete all to go from the middle of the pack to the top.
The girls head outside where they find a bus waiting for them. But it's not just any bus -- it's the Fab Bus. One side's red and the other side is blue, and there's a big TV screen in back. And hey! There's also Toccara! She bursts onto the scene wearing a gold sequined dress and holding a long skinny microphone a la Gene Rayburn from The Match Game. I'm excited about what might happen, even though I know it will never compete with the brilliant "Snatch Game" from RuPaul's Drag Race. Though I would like to see Angelea try out a Carol Channing impersonation. Alexandra is excited to see Toccara in all of her plus-sized glory. We are reminded that Toccara is awesome and, in addition to being on Celebrity Fit Club, got major play in Italian Vogue.
Toccara announces that today the girls are all contestants on the Fab Bus. The Fab Bus opening sequence has a logo and some stars. It lasts all of six seconds and has catchy theme music. Toccara says that if she's learned anything about this business, it's that it pays to know about the industry that you're trying to break into. Thus, the girls will today be tested on their fashion knowledge. Krista tells us that she's a fashion junkie, so is excited. Raina, since she had the best photo at last week's elimination, will serve as the scorekeeper. The teams are assigned. The Blue Team is Krista, Simone, Angelea, Alexandra, and Jessica. The Red Team is Anslee, Tatianna, Ren, Brenda and Alasia. Anslee shit talks in an interview, talking about teammates/duds Alasia and Brenda. The first team who correctly answers five questions is the winner, and as their prize will get to go on a go-see to the headquarters of Bluefly.com. Toccara does a good job shilling for Bluefly and their 40% discount goodness. Ren is nonplussed. Whichever girl from the winning team most impresses the CEO and Creative Director at Bluefly will be featured in their spring collection campaign. Giant pink words on the screen assure us that this is a fierce prize. What's more, each team member will receive a $500 Bluefly gift card, and the winner of the go see will get a $2,500 gift card! Not bad. The losing team will get an un-prize TBD. Raina, due to the new best photo/challenge prize rules will automatically get to go on the go-see with the winning team.
The bus drives, and the girls get their first question. Which of these celebrity clothing lines is available for purchase on bluefly.com? Is it: a) Sienna Miller's Twenty8Twelve; b) Beyonce Knowles' House of Dereon; c) Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B.; d) All of the above. Anslee faces off against Krista and correctly guesses D, all of the above. One point Red Team! Next question: Which top model said she would not get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day? Ren faces off against Alexandra, and correctly guesses Linda Evangelista. I'm surprised that Ren knows anything about anything. If they had asked, "Upon which body part is shampoo meant to be used?" she certainly would have been stumped. The Red Team now has two points. Third question: How old was Tyra when she first began to model? Tatianna knows it's 15, and the Red Team is up three to zero. Simone is worried that the Blue Team is going to get bageled. She's up against Brenda on the next question: Which of the following people is not a top fashion photographer? Is it: a) Bruce Weber; b) John Galliano; c) Annie Leibovitz; d) Patrick Demarchelier. Simone correctly guesses John Galliano, and the Blue team finally gets a point. And then Jessica gets them another point! And then Krista gets them another point! It's three to three.
The next question sees Ren pitted against Alexandra: What should a model always have in her bag in case of a casting call? Is it: a) pair of nude underwear; b) breath mints; c) curling iron; d) earrings. Ren correctly guesses A, a pair of nude underwear. I guess that makes sense, though I might feel weird about having underwear in my purse all the time. Red is up four to three. The next question asks which British supermodel was the first to popularize the "waif look." Angelea correctly guesses Twiggy, and it's tied again! The next team to get a question wins the whole thing. It comes down to Simone against Brenda. The question is this: This iconic supermodel is currently the host of America's Next Top Model in Germany. The options are: a) Heidi Klum; b) Christie Brinkley; c) Iman; d) Cindy Crawford. That is so easy, but it takes Simone and Brenda a minute to think about it. Anslee wants to take violent action against Brenda, whom she seems to think is slow. It's true that she does have a bit of a blank look about her. Simone correctly answers Heidi Klum, and the Blue Team has won! Brenda is sad, but says she's not going to be a sore loser. Anslee wants to make Brenda sore in many ways, and says, "This bitch and me are about to have some serious fre