America's Next Top Model

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Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls made their way to fierce, fashionable Brazil, tried their limbs at capoiera, and evoked fruit-hatted Carmen Miranda at their photo shoot. Teyona worked it, per usual, and Natalie was a pill, per usual. She was sent home, which should have been a relief since she found everything in Brazil unfavorable. Five bitches remain!

The girls return home after judging, and it is still broad daylight. The universe was so happy about Natalie getting the boot that it gave the sun another go-round. Aminat asks in a somewhat disparaging manner, "Imagine if they would have chosen HER instead of ME?" I actually could imagine that since, even though she sucked in a whole range of ways, Natalie was a better model. Teyona, however, is metaphorically singing "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead." Natalie thought she was better than everyone else, which didn't win her any friends, and Teyona assures us that she wasn't that great anyway. The girls talk about Natalie's constant complaining, and Celia says that it literally pains her that a person wouldn't appreciate this experience. That might actually be the gout. Celia interviews that she's 25 and has more insight than any of the other girls, and adds that the fact that she has potential at this age speaks very, very loudly. It has to, since Celia had her hearing aid turned down and wouldn't have caught it otherwise.

Tyra Mail! "You need to hit the ground running if you want to fly. Love, Tyra." The girls think that maybe they'll be parasailing or hang gliding. Maybe the big drag queen in the sky will dangle them around on the ends of her feather boa. We are reminded that Allison had the best photo last week. She interviews that she feels shaky and nervous and unbelievable pressure to do well. However, she's still there, she says, so is determined to cultivate some positivity. As the girls sit around eating, Celia asks who honestly thought they'd make the top five. Fo says she did not. She interviews that she's unbelievably proud of herself, and never even though she'd get a callback when she auditioned for the show. Everything that Fo has done in her life -- including high school -- has been half-assed, so becoming America's Next Top Model would prove to Fo that she can actually do something and that dreams do happen. I never really thought that "But you can get your GED!" would be a message of hope, but there you go. Fo also reminds us that she's the shortest of the bunch, and so needs to be put in the taffy puller to overcome her natural 5'8" frame.

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America's Next Top Model

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