America's Next Top Model

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Blue Hawaii

Jay gathers the girls on the sand -- but not in the shade! Come on! -- and says that he could really tell who brought all the lessons from past weeks into this challenge. For Sundai, this was a step back since you couldn't even see her face. Jennifer's Nefertiti jazzercise didn't read model. Laura's balance was thrown off, which did not lead to a pretty shot. Nicole looked tall, comparatively. Brittany's initial pose floored Jay. Erin found real symmetry on the surfboard. And the winner is Erin. She jumps and makes frenzied arm movements like the demonic troll elf that she is. Her prize is a helicopter tour ride of the island of Maui. She picks Brittany and Nicole to share in the prize with her, even though they seem to engage in a cycle of mutual hate with her.

The girls pile into the helicopter for their tour, which looks gorgeous. They fly right by the sunset, and are amidst stunning mountains. One drawback is Erin's constant narration of the sights, which is clearly going to drive Brittany and Nicole nuts. Erin confessionalizes that she thought the tour was going to be awesome, but she was pretty disappointed because she hasn't won "any actual tangible thing." Seriously? Brittany interviews that she gets annoyed with Erin's whining, but she was also an 18-year-old once so is just going to let it slide. Except for when she talks about it incessantly in interviews. When the girls get home, the others asked how the helicopter ride was. Erin says that it was really cool, but still wasn't a tangible prize like a dinner or jewelry or $1,000 Walmart gift certificate. Sundai is appalled, and speaks for all of us when she says, "You're such a brat. Just take the dang prize." Jennifer agrees, saying that Erin is immature and has a whopping case of Spoiled Brat Syndrome. And even Purell won't kill that. Nonetheless, Erin maintains that she'd rather win some jewelry. I'd rather that she win a punch in the throat.

Tyra Mail! "Sometimes being all mixed up is a beautiful thing. Love, Tyra." I think that Brittany just speculated that they'd be photographed amongst algae, but I can't be sure of that. In other news, Laura is RED. Like Ronald McDonald's weave. It is not pretty. She says that her sunblock was waterproof, but Jennifer maintains that if it was really waterproof the directions wouldn't read "put on after going in the pool." To be honest, it's really hard for me to tell what particular strain of idiocy we're witnessing here, so I'm just going to let it go. Laura interviews that she's so red, and very miserable. She's worried that she's not going to do so well on the next photo shoot. In a heartbreaking fashion she says, "I don't want it to end. I don't ever want it to end." Jennifer confirms what our own eyes tell us -- that Laura is a walking, talking sunburn. With the ominous threat that this could work against her -- or at least garner a boring speech about sun protection from Tyra -- we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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