America's Next Top Model

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Blue Hawaii

Laura is up next, and is painted Mr. Jay orange. Orangeface? And her hair is gray. She appears to be wearing some sort of a roughly Mexican-themed dress, with that Greek leafy headband thing. Tyra is having problems, saying that the styling is too "on the orangeface nose," and so turns Laura's Greek leafy headband thing backwards. I mean, it would be hard to make her look more ridiculous, so in that sense it's a success. Things aren't going so well, and Laura asks Tyra to be brutally honest with her. Tyra says she's not loving it, and points to Laura's Cirque de Soleil shot as an example of what she should be doing. Laura is then able to break out of her rut, and is helped in no small part by some amazing light. The sun wasn't on her side during the surfing challenge, but it is today.

And then, fuck. Jennifer is in so much blackface, I can't even tell you. And she's wearing an afro. But we get some time to digest that as we see Nicole's photo shoot. Nicole, who seems like she should know better, actually likes her styling and says she's always wondered what she'd look like as a different race. She's wearing a shortie kimono with some sort of imposing necklace and a giant headwrap. She is very, very brown. Tyra wants to see Nicole's famous shapes, even though Nigel doesn't like them. I think Nigel actually likes them okay, he just suggested that she try something different every once in a while. Nicole uses a giant branch to her advantage, but loses points when she doesn't know what "H2T" means. In case you forgot, it's head to toe modeling. As opposed to "H2T1," which is the highly contagious blackface flu. Nicole's hair, now brown, comes down and she gets a different imposing necklace. Tyra and Jay love everything that she does.

And then there's Jennifer, with her insane blackface. Her ensemble is one of the more intriguing, and features a really fabulous necklace, but frankly it's hard to appreciate it because of the fact that she is PAINTED BLACK. Tyra tells us that Jennifer was a mess. She did not inspire Tyra, and in fact Tyra started panicking. Because she realized that she fucking put her models in blackface? There are some styling changes, but they still don't help. Jay tells Jennifer that in Botswana there's music everywhere you go. Thankfully, she does not interpret this statement as a directive to tap dance. Jennifer turns it around, and finally comes alive in her photos. On another note, can you imagine if Tyra was doing a Victoria's Secret shoot and those motherfuckers tried to put her in blackface? I'm just saying.

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America's Next Top Model




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