America's Next Top Model

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Hair Apparent

Lori walks by Dominique backstage and says that she's adorable. I can tell you for a fact that Dominique has never looked more like a linebacker than at this particular moment. Her head is practically scraping the ceiling. She looks gigantic. Dominique is still working on her confidence, probably due to comments like the ones I just made. She thinks the new look is a brand new start for her, and she can show the judges that she has it. I hate to tell her since she's made her peace with it, but that red hair really is bad. Dominique poses with Jaclyn and Dalya. She is wearing some sort of crazy coat that looks like a hand-me-down from Cee-Lo's Grammy performance. Jaclyn, on the other hand, is wearing one of the most gorgeous gowns of all time. Dalya is outfitted as the Mad Hatter. Jay tells us that the three-model shot is really a two-model shot, because he'd crop Dominique out of it. Jay tells her as much, and then asks Dominique what's in her head right now. She says, "Honestly, I don't have no thoughts."

This, of course, is the kiss of death, and Jay tells Dominique that the worst thing for a model to lack is inspiration. Dominique cries as she tells us that she's giving her all, but Jay doesn't care. Lori takes Dominique's hand and tells her not to lose it. Dominique continues crying as she says, "I'm inspired by a lot of stuff. Like...[shrug]." What a golden moment for an editor to find. Lori tells us that being a model is a job, and it's really hard. Like...you could have to be in the MUD. In HEELS. I know. I KNOW. Those people trying to cool down the nuclear plants in Japan have it so easy. We're witnessing the real heroes in action. The ability to figure out a high heel in the mud is what separates the Lindas and Christies and Naomis from the rest of the pack. Pamela tells us that those girls are aware of everything. This is why they got to be in the "Freedom 90" video.

Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Sara says that she's always nervous at panel, and in fact shakes like a house-broken Chihuahua. First a Gollum reference, and now this. I think that when she loses this competition, Sara should write for TWoP. She thinks she probably won't go home but will get a stern tongue-lashing, and then notes that she's probably just jinxed herself and actually will go home. We can now see why Jay told her to stop thinking, even though having no thoughts is the worst thing for a model. Monique, meanwhile, is frustrated that she and Alexandria didn't get a tongue bath for their mediocre performance. Alexandria laughs some more about Molly's hair, and Molly notes that every hairstylist who sees it is all, WTF? Monique says that she's trying to stay out of Alexandria's warpath, because she's so dramatic about everything. To wit, Alexandria sounds not a little like Charlie Sheen when she tells the tale about how Jay asked her if she felt beautiful on set and her reply was, "I'm in vintage fucking Chanel right now. DUH." She totally thinks she's winning.

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America's Next Top Model

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