America's Next Top Model

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Tall Tales

The girls head to Malibu the next day and end up at a mansion that Sundai describes as a sort of double-wide White House. Miss J. welcomes them and tells them that they'll be doing their very first fashion show here today, for designer Kevan Hall. There is a twist to today's challenge, which is that our munchkins will be walking with girls who are 5'10" and above. You know: real models. Our tiny tater tots have to stand out and not let the glamazons work them. Jennifer despairs that her teeny legs might not be able to keep up. The girls head to hair and makeup and Lulu tells us that they're all going to have to walk like tall chicks or be exposed for the itty bitty Oompa Loompas that they are. Doopity doo.

Oh, and GREAT. Effing Ann Shoket is there. Give me Super Smize any day. Ann, who manages not to say, "Hello, ladieeeees!" tells the girls that the winner of this challenge will be featured in an advertorial in Seventeen. Laura can't think of anything better than being in Seventeen magazine. Well, five minutes ago she couldn't think of anything better than a hot Spam n' Velveeta sandwich on Wonder Bread with a side of bovine testicles, so let's just say that her frame of reference is limited.

The girls get dressed and have dinner (?????? In the clothes?????) as the crowd files in. Lulu tells Ashley that as they were sitting in the make-up room, Bianca was sitting next to her. And was annoying. This is news? Nicole confessionalizes that Lulu is distracted by the drama in the house and is losing focus. What drama? This is drama? When someone busts into a speech about brownies and respeito you call me and I'll recap it. Jeezum crow.

Finally it is time for the runway show to begin! Laura is nervous, since this is her first runway show and she'll likely be made to look like a midget, to boot. Sundai reminds us that she's only 5'3" and the legit tall model next to her is going to ruin everything. Sundai is plucky yet exceptionally dull at the same time. She is first to walk with her tall companion and does, in fact, look growth-stunted. And apparently having long legs does make you walk faster! Sundai scurries to try to keep up. Ashley is next and is feeling very confident about her walk. She doesn't look quite as short next to her tall friend, though the fact that the regular models are styled in long dresses and our midget models are in slim, above-knee ensembles only exacerbates the difference.

Brittany is next and tries to put all of Miss J.'s teachings into effect. She feels tall and fierce, and Miss J. thinks she looks great. Lulu prattles on again about her signature walk, which is dull and lacks energy. Her signature is sucking. Kara is wearing my favorite dress of the evening, but she and Rae get short shrift (no pun intended, har har!) so must have done fine but not exceptional. Bianca explains that the serene environment calmed her, which hopefully made her look softer. We don't see much of Jennifer or Nicole. Erin reminds us that she's 18 and technically still in high school, so it's a big deal to have her eyebrows bleached and hit the catwalk. Laura is full of adrenaline and says that wearing designer gowns beats the shit out of strutting toward Sam's Choice pizza rolls. With that the show is over, and Ashley thinks they rocked it. Take that, tall girls!

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America's Next Top Model




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