America's Next Top Model

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Missoni Accomplished

The girls head to Hotel Danieli, which is lovely and luxurious and old-school. Their suite has a balcony that looks over Venice. Kayla says that she could definitely get used to living a fabulous life before adding, "I mean, I'm gay, that's what we're used to." Yes, gay people are used to their hypothetical future. It's why they're all so stylish. Liz opens champagne on the balcony. The only person not there is Chris, who is totally looking to see which way the water flushes in the toilet! Before she can join them, a bird of doom flies overhead and poops on Liz's arm, and Jane's head. To quote Chris, "Yeah, that's right. A bird came and pooped on the girls while they was cheerin'. A-ha!" Ann has her second truly adorable moment of the episode as she cracks up in an interview. It's almost as funny as watching someone fall down on roller skates!

Inside the hotel room, Liz says that it's a horrible entrance to come in and have a bird just shit on you. Chelsey's reaction (not to Liz's face) is, "Seriously, Liz? Get over it." She tells us that Liz constantly complains about everything, which has been quite the seasonal subplot. Jane has heard that getting shat upon by a bird is good luck, which is true. I mean, I don't know if it's actually true that it's good luck, but that's definitely a saying, likely coined by someone who was laughed at by his friends when a bird shat on him as he was cheering. Liz isn't buying the luck story, and Chelsey yells out in exasperation. She tells us that it's wah wah wah, and bitch bitch bitch, and she's ready for Liz to hit the highway, or the canal, or whichever piece of infrastructure that will get her the hell out of Chelsey's life. Commercials.

The next morning, the girls lounge in their luxurious beds, in some cases three to a bed like little bears. Liz is Goldilocks, except she never finds the bed that's "just right." There is early morning Tyra Mail! "Don't be seduced by your surroundings or you might fall overboard. Love, Tyra." Chelsey gasps with excitement and then says, "It's gonna be in a c..c..con..gondola?" And here I thought she was one of the smart ones. Apparently we're down to just Jane. Chris tells us she's got to get it together because she's not trying to go home. Whereas Liz: actively trying to go home, or so it will seem in a few moments.

The girls do indeed head to a canal, where Jay greets them with a big, "Bongiorno!" from a gondola. He introduces them to photographer Simone Falcetta, then announces that they're steps away from the Rialto Bridge, which is famous and oft-photographed. They're going to be doing a "really cool high fashion period editorial." White pants, then? Seriously, this one sounds a little weird. Jay asks if the girls have heard of Casanova, then says that Cas epitomizes the decadence of 18th century Venice. I don't know about you guys, but I ain't much on Casanova. I imagine Kayla won't be either. The scene that will be created today is three girls at once vying for Casanova's attention while lounging across a gondola AND while sporting corsets and the like. Jay tells the girls that it's very hot today, but part of being a couture girl is pushing beyond being super uncomfortable owning the garments. This is a lesson that will be taught to the girls until they nearly pass out.

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America's Next Top Model




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