A bike messenger delivers Tyra Mail! It's printed on, like, one of those printer-ready invitation papers with the borders that you get at Staples. ANTM: Classing it up in it's tenth anniversary season. The Tyra Mail reads: "Welcome to New York, Ladies! Follow these directions to your new loft and you'll have cause to celebrate! Love, Tyra." For all you locals, Lispenard Street is involved. Not that I'm advocating any shenanigans. The girls arrive and the loft is tricked-out, per usual. Much squealing ensues. As Anya walks down the in-house runway with Amis, she looks at the giant television screen where they are being projected, real-time, and yells, "It's you and I in the future!" As Anya does not exist on the traditional time-space continuum, this statement is somehow bizarrely correct. There are lots of huge pictures of Tyra, and lots of huge pictures of previous top models. Claire explains the sleeping situation. There's one bedroom with a bunch of bunk beds, and one giant bed that a bunch of girls are supposed to sleep on together. If ever there was a season to cast a fetching baby dyke, this is it.

Amis explains that the theme of the house is, "What's your passion, and how can you apply it to the real world and actually benefit people?" Oh, my young naïf. The themes of the house are always, "Made to produce maximum bitchery," and "Doesn't Tyra look great when she's airbrushed?" But you keep dreaming. Marvita tells us yet again that she has a sketchy past, and was homeless when she was eighteen. This loft is the nicest place she's ever been to. I would say that might be true for a majority of non-homeless people, too. Fatima gazes upon giant photos of Tyra and thinks about the horrible experiences she endured while growing up. Looking at Tyra always makes me think about all the bad things that have happened in my life, too! But Fatima's horrible experiences involve genital mutilation. Mine involve, like, finding mouse poop in my kitchen cupboards. What I'm saying is, sometimes something seems bad at the time, but when you put it in perspective, you're just happy to still have a clit. If Fatima wins this show, she wants to use it as a platform.