America's Next Top Model

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A House Divided

Back at the house, Brenda says that she's had uncertainty at every photo shoot except for this one. On this shoot, she feels very confident, and has a sense of peace in her heart. She even thinks she deserves to have the best photo of the week. Irony wears an '80s lesbian haircut. There is Tyra Mail -- someone's going home. Alasia confessionalizes that she's nervous as crap about panel tomorrow and we head to commercials. And not just any commercials, but past faves Bianca and Laura dishing about what just happened! Shooting in a subway: exciting, yet hard. Is there better wisdom anywhere than in the Cover Girl Top Model Lounge?

When we return, it's panel time. Tyra is wearing yet another jumpsuit. I think she's just fucking with us at this point. There are prizes, there are judges. Fucking Ann Shoket is the guest judge. ALT is wearing a shiny black cloak this week. Raina is up first for evaluation. Nigel says that her photo is very powerful and she doesn't look like she was moved by the train at all. The bad news, however, is that she lost her neck. ALT says that she evokes an ice-capped volcano in this photo. Nice timing, ALT. Maybe him saying those words actually caused the Iceland volcano to erupt? To think that ALT can control the world with his nonsensical utterances alone! It's at once very frightening and exciting. Ann thinks that Raina has a good, edgier attitude, which is really the whole point of the shot.

Krista is next, and her aspiring actress shot gets praise. Nigel says that it looks like a Cover Girl ad, and he likes that Krista gave herself a role to play. ALT thinks it's a gorgeous, all-American, fresh photograph. Jessica is up next. ALT tells her that she has a wonderful, girl-next-door beauty and quality. However, he notes, "The dogs have barked this week. What were you thinking with those shoes?" Jessica replies, "You're kidding me, right?" The hooker shoes take her innocent charm to another level of skank, according to Tyra. ALT goes further and says it takes her to Dreckhalla, the supreme level of fashion Hades. That might be my favorite thing he's said so far this season. It's so hard to choose, though. Jessica says that she thought her shoes worked really well. Nigel says that Jessica looks lost in her photo, though maybe that's part of the role of a clubgoing girl. Ann adds that she looks a bit dazed, and a little off. Tyra says that it felt like Jessica was confused. ALT doesn't like the photograph, because Jessica looks like the girl-next-door who you don't want in your posse going to the club. She's spoiled and is going to make trouble, and that doesn't sell Smokey Eye Blaster Smoke Pencil. Dreckhalla!

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America's Next Top Model

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