America's Next Top Model

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Potes: B | 1107 USERS: B-
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It's just about time for the runway show to begin! There's actually, like, a crowd and stuff. It's kind of exciting. Celia starts off the show and is a vision in white. She doesn't have another model to worry about yet, but does have to dodge a fire hydrant that's randomly placed in the middle of the runway. This is when you need someone like Crazy Lisa to make a full stop and lift her leg. Celia thrives off of having all eyes on her, which is of course the first qualification for reality famewhoredom. Natalie is next. She tells us that she likes to take risks, because risks get you noticed. And so, a bit less than halfway down the runway she makes an awkward twirl. The editors pipe in some background noise of a crowd talking scandalously about something that was totally not Natalie's runway twirl. I mean, it was dumb, but I don't think it caused quite that reaction. Miss J. does have a pretty fierce eye roll, though. Despite it all, Jill Stuart likes Natalie, so I guess her heaping mounds of confidence were good for something after all. Tahlia is next and manages not to push Natalie off the runway when she has the opportunity. She tries to up the confidence level, but all Miss J. can say is, "What the hell was that turn?"

London is next and tells us that she got so into the music that avoiding obstacles of the model and hydrant variety became second nature. Kortnie is next, and I think we can all just be happy that Jill Stuart had something to fit her. Then there's Nijah. She's confident and excited and dead-eyed as usual. She thinks she made an impression, but Miss J. just shakes his head and makes an especially egregious crazy face. Allison tells us that she's scared of narrow spaces and fears like she's going to veer off the runway. I guess this is to build tension, since it's not Allison's turn to walk yet. Instead Aminat goes to little fanfare, followed by Sandra. Teyona goes and is fine, and then Allison busts through the doors that lead to the runway wearing sheer black harem pants. Now I have a fear of sheer black harem pants. Allison tells us that she was practically having a panic attack. Luckily the pants provided superior ventilation, so she did not pass out while catwalking. She looks bad, but again it's mostly the pants. Then there's Fo, who's cute and sassy and gets props from J. for incorporating the advice he gave her during the teach. With that, the show is over! No one fell, which is good for them and sad for us.

America's Next Top Model

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