America's Next Top Model
Next Top Model: British Invasion, Part II

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Union Jacked Up
Next, the girls learn that farm life can be fashionable if the dress code is country couture. Hey, cool! Jasmia and Amber go in first to get their big poufy awesome dresses and top hats. Abigail was excited for her wardrobe, but then it ended up being waders with thigh-high wellies and a big afro. The photographer jokes that she looks like she had an altercation with an electric fence. She says that she was freaking out, because she felt like a short fat man. Hey, that's how Nolé Marin had to feel every day of his life! Maybe now you have some sympathy, Abigail. At the very least, Abigail isn't cross-eyed like freaking ferret-birthing Tamar. Tamar tells us that her storyline was that she had had "a bit of fun with a man." Or, as Jonathan says, "You've been ruffled up by some big, butch hunk." Okay, "Ruffle me up, you big, butch hunk," might be the best bedroom talk ever, and most certainly was pioneered by either Mr. or Ms. J. Tamar lies on some bales of hay and tries to sex it up. However, not everyone finds her performance believable. Abigail says that she looks like a dead granny, with her severe, thin, pinched features. She looked like an old, withering woman. Hey, some grannies get ruffled up by big, butch hunks routinely. Abigail is so ageist. Amber next has to pose on top of a tractor, and Georgina tells us that Amber's pout drives her insane. We see Jonathan tell her to stop pouting, because tractor drivers generally don't pout all that much. That's because they have no teeth. Jonathan says that one-pout Amber's lack of expression is really getting him down, and Sarah, Georgina and Abigail sit on a fence (literally) and discuss how annoying it is. I don't know, I didn't think it was that bad. Georgina is told to meander pensively in the daffodils and gets some good feedback on her performance. As Jonathan walks Lianna out to the set, he tells her that there will be no tears on the job today, and "even if one of them bites you, you must be strong, and you must be brave." I thought he was talking about the other girls in the competition, but in fact, he was talking about fowl. Those are some bitchy geese, man. Lianna says that she felt silly, especially when the photographer got annoyed with her and had to ask if she had regained her composure. Gosh, if she can't deal with these peaceful country geese, how on earth is she ever going to be able to disarm one of the tough city gang ducks? And then, we are at panel, and Lisa tells the girls that she has some exciting news. Two of the girls impressed the jewelry folks so much, that they're actually going to air their commercial. And they are... Sarah and Abigail! It turns out that the jewelry people are actually QVC. Abigail and Sarah are excited nonetheless. When it comes to photo evaluations, Jonathan is concerned about Tamar's muscular legs. Paula has a new weave! Woo! Amber says that she isn't completely happy with her expression in her photo, but Lisa loves it and says that for Amber to say that she's not happy with the photo means that they don't see eye to eye. Georgina looks pissed off in her photo, according to Lisa. When all is said and done, Georgina and Tamar are in the bottom two. Tamar is already freaking out. Lisa says that one girl has strength of expression, and one has strength with her body position. The judges were split with the decision, so... .both of them are going home. That's awesome! Everyone is really upset about the whole thing, except for me. I am laughing with glee. Goodbye, Granny Tamar and forgettable Georgina! Dramatic music plays and we see the other girls crying in slow motion. Tamar tells us that she thought she had a good chance of winning it. Deluded! Georgina says that this isn't like it's the end of a dream. It isn't? Tamar is going to go on and keep trying, unfortunately for us.

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America's Next Top Model

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