MONDO EXTRAS

Allo! Well, let me tell you how we know that this is no ordinary episode of Top Model. Okay, one, there's cheesy techno music. Well, no, okay, that's not really a sign, I guess. Two, there are some pretty homely-ass-looking ladies modeling poorly. But again, no, no, that sounds pretty familiar. Okay, a-ha! I know! It's the British accent! Yes, that's right, instead of the familiar dulcet tones of Miss Tyra Banks, we have a Brit telling us that it takes more than a pretty face to bring the world's latest designs to life on the runway or on the cover of a fashion magazine. Hey, ladies in their underwear! I like this already. Only a few very special girls have the right stuff. We won't be meeting any of them, but there you go. British voice tells us that when America's Next Top Model first searched for the next "it girl," what followed was a worldwide sensation. France, Germany, Russia, and many other countries now produce their own Top Model shows. This means two things. One, Tyra Banks is freaking loaded. Two, the appreciation of scantily clad women bitching at each other is something that transcends barriers of language and culture. Now, in Great Britain, after an exhaustive nationwide search, twelve girls who defy the stereotype of pasty skin and bad teeth have gotten the chance of a lifetime. British Voice tells us that their journey will not be easy. There will be joy and heartache, pleasure, and pain. And multiple uses of the word "snogging." It's like the Spice Girls, if there were twelve of them. Yaaaaaaaaaay! So grab some bangers and mash and enjoy the show!

Okay, the first hilarious thing is that there is a modified version of the "na na na na na, you wanna be on top?" song, not sung by Tyra. Thank goodness. The second hilarious thing is that a photo of each girl is shown in the credits on a billboard, along with a name and a question mark, as if they didn't even bother to check if the girls' names are right. Their best guesses are: Tashi? Anne? Lucy? Shauna? Edwina? Marisa? Hayley? Stephanie? Naomi? Marina? Claire? And Jenilee? Okay, there's a contestant named "Edwina." I already like this show so much better than the regular old Top Model.

As we begin the show, British voice reiterates that there were thousands of applicants for BNTM, but they only chose twelve finalists. These twelve wrangle their luggage at, like, the train station or bus stop. Because England's not that big! British Voice says that she brought the contestants from all over the country to London.