MONDO EXTRAS

And then, there is a double decker bus there to collect all the girls. We can only hope that Tom Jones will soon show up to serenade them. We meet Marina, from Cheshire. She's bubbly. I think her last name is Bucket or Blarket or maybe just Blarkey or something equally English-sounding. She says that this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and has a shirt that reads "born poser." Hey, I could think of a few folks who should get that as a Christmas present. Then there's Edwina, eighteen, from Bristol. She says that she can give Naomi Campbell a run for her money. Edwina was apparently Bristol's champion phone-thrower in 2005. Then there's Lucy from Newcastle, who says that modeling is what she sees herself doing, and that it's the only thing she wants to do. She is pretty, if potentially a bit boring. Then there's someone named Hayley, from Sussex. She believes she has the potential to go all the way, and apparently has a pair of underwear that she calls her "lucky pants." Wouldn't "lucky bloomers" be more English-sounding? She also appears to have a large, misshapen rack. I don't know what's up with that. Then there is Anne, from Sheffield, and Marisa from Surrey, the latter of whom has future ambitions of going into politics. And what better way to begin such a career than to appear on the inaugural season of Britain's Next Top Model! Tony Blair would have jumped at such an opportunity, had he been given the chance. Marisa says that she didn't come to the house to get into intellectual conversations; she came to get away from them. Well, at least she's a realist. Then there's Stephanie, twenty-two, from Birmingham. She wants to be a model because it's been her dream since she was a little girl. She wants to be on the cutting edge of fashion. There is also Naomi, twenty-two, from Leeds. She says that she's a very competitive person, and that this is going to test her limits. And really, it's amazing how you can instantly tell who the bitch is. Then there is Jenilee, from Kent. She sounds like a little British mouse from some cartoon. Like if they made a British Fievel. Or a mouse version of Eliza Doolittle. I can just hear her saying, "Well 'ello, guvnah, looks like oy cut me'self and 'ave to go to hospital." "Hospital" with a silent "h," that is. Then there is Tashi, twenty-four, from Leeds, who is dying to strut her stuff. She has a lot of stuff to strut, that's for sure. There's Claire, twenty, from Brigend, who thinks that modeling is her ticket to success. Not with those crazy bangs. Jesus. There is Shauna, twenty-three, from Derry. She has a Derry air about her. She just finished her Masters degree in international business. Holy crow! Go out and get a real job, then! Tyra Banks's influence on the world seriously pains me.