America's Next Top Model
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British Voice tells us that she introduced the girls to stylist Hilary Alexander, who looks suspiciously like Penny Marshall, and put them to the test on their first-ever public catwalk. They each wear a plain, one-piece nude bathing suit and have to strut what they've got in front of a crowd of onlookers in Piccadilly Circus. I actually don't really know if it's Piccadilly Circus, but that sounded like a British place to be. Either that or Portobello Road, where they will also find a book about the Lost Isle of Naboombu. Anne tells us that the whole experience was shocking. She hasn't shown her body off in a long time and there were "cobwebs everywhere." It's gross but kind of funny, and how I now like to think of Tyra in her post-Victoria's Secret retirement phase. Even worse than the cobwebs is the jiggly ass-flesh that Shauna is sporting. She says that everyone was a little shocked to find out that she was more "pear-shaped." In all fairness, her bathing suit also appears to be kind of small for her. British Voice tells us that spirits are high after this first catwalk, but that there is a lot of work to be done before any of these girls can be considered a model. Shauna sulks a little, probably on account of the jiggly ass-flesh. We finally get a face and name to put to the voice: they belong to host Lisa Butcher. I did a little research, and apparently Lisa Butcher was the "face of the '90s" and had some scandalous marriages. I have to admit that I have never heard of her, but it seems like maybe she has a little more edge than Tyra (Ms. Banks if you're nasty). Lisa tells the girls that some of them did quite well under the circumstances. However, Anne gets called out for talking to Lisa from the runway. Lisa tells her sternly that she'd be fired immediately for doing that. Bollocks! I don't know, that just seemed like a British thing to say. The next day, the girls get a lesson in catwalking from Angela Dunn, catwalk specialist. What, they can't find a decent drag queen in England, birthplace of Boy George? There is walking. One of the idiots -- I think it's Anne -- comes down the runway wearing white socks, and Angela stops her, telling her that on the runway you wear either bare feet or shoes, but never socks. You would think that this advice would be implicit, but then again you're a lot smarter than the bulk of these girls. Edwina does a bang-up job, and steals the show with her confidence and grace. Anne continues to suck, and the pressure starts to show. We see her getting frustrated and complaining to the other girls, saying that she's her own worst critic, but is still taken down by what the judges say to her.
America's Next Top Model