America's Next Top Model
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A caption tells us that it's 5:00 AM. Lisa voices over that it is time for the girls' first photo shoot. Yay! They meet up with stylist Hilary, who says that they're basically doing a black and white shoot. I wonder if Hilary is the counterpart to Jay Manuel. Tashi has problems keeping her giant chest in the bathing suit she is wearing: "I feel a bit too, um...like I should be in that hip-hop video or something." They only have one hip-hop video in all of England? Figures. Marina also stood out, according to photographer Ram Shergill, simply because "she wasn't good." When it comes to the first elimination, it is Shauna and Marina in the bottom two. We then discover what I thought was the counterpart to Miss J.: judge Jonathan Phang, "Fashion Industry Veteran." I looked him up, and it seems that he was an agent and booker, and therefore was actually somewhat useful, so I guess there's no real comparison to be drawn. Jonathan thinks that Marina's face is too round. Shauna is sweet, but judge Marie Helvin, former supermodel (clearly playing the Janice role with the excessive plastic surgery and the nasty comments), says that Shauna is going to have a hard time toning up her ass. And hey -- Wikipedia tells me that Marie Helvin's marriage to a photographer ended because she admitted to having an affair with Tom Selleck! HA! She and Lisa Butcher have also apparently shared actor Jeremy Northam! Marie Helvin is American, so that's one for my team. Even though she is kind of scary. In the end, Marina was sent home. Oh, Marina, we hardly knew ye! Commercials. When we return, we're still in London. And it's makeover day! Top stylist Lee Stafford works on the girls. Jenilee gets the long-banged look, and meekly says that she feels really edgy and is going to go out there determined to win this competition. It's hard to believe, because she says it like the one sweet girl who got stuck working with all the crazy old ladies at Dunkin' Donuts, or whatever the British equivalent is. However, Anne gets totally hysterical as her hair is being shaved off. Oh man, it's just like our Top Model! Someone always freaks out about the makeover! Lee Stafford says that he's never had anyone who's behaved like that. This is how you can tell that it's BNTM Season 1. Anne is all crying and shit. Lisa tells her that the haircut shows off her face and that it looks fabulous. It really does look a lot better than the mop she was sporting before. Lisa gently tells Anne that if she behaved like this on a shoot, she'd get sacked immediately, and her agent would get really mad. Incidentally, There is apparently some sort of British hairspray called "Haze." For some reason, I like to imagine that it's made by Cadbury. Stephanie also cries when her long, blonde hair is chopped off. But she looks so much better with her red, straight, be-banged hair. She is actually my favorite. Lisa says that she looks fab. Tashi gets the long weave, and says that she looks like Lady Godiva and loves it.
America's Next Top Model