America's Next Top Model
Nicki Minaj

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They're Baaaaaack

And then it's time for Alexandria to take the stage. There are voluminous boos, which were probably added in postproduction, and then someone yells out, "Hey Alex, fuck you." This man is heroic in the manner of that guy who threw his shoe at George W. Bush. It's a crass gesture, and yet he has harnessed the will of a nation. Someone -- perhaps the same guy -- calls Alexandria a bitch as well. A tearful Alexandria interviews that she thought she got away from the high school drama, but now she's getting it from fans, too. It hurt her feeeeelings! When she was trying to have a special moment as a testament to her specialness! Feel the sadness as we head to commercials.

When we return, we get to relive the moment, and Alexandria tells us that the judges couldn't hear all the name calling that she was subjected to. She tried to numb out the voice and focus instead on showing her sheer shirt off to its best advantage. Nicki does not care for Alexandria's photo, though she says that Alexandria is beautiful in person. Nigel agrees that the shot does nothing, and adds that he knows Alex can take a good photo. Sheena is up next, wearing a vintage bedazzled jumpsuit. It's a good choice for her, because it's interesting and not slutty. ALT loves it. Nicki does not believe Sheena in her photo, and adds that it's a bit amateur. Sheena's challenge, according to Tyra, is to bring the feisty, sexy, amazingness that she has in person to celluloid. Or pixels. Whatever.

Brittany is next, and enters to a whole bunch of screaming of her own creation. She yells, "It's Brittany, biiiiiiiiitch!" Tyra looks vaguely scared, while ALT looks as if he's lost faith in humanity. Nicki thinks that Brittany nailed her photo and adds that she'd just like to see some extension in the legs. ALT apparently refrains from comment, and is off camera clutching his wizard-pearls. Isis is next, and it sounds like she enters to lots of cheering. Tyra reminds everyone that Isis was born in the wrong body, and notes that she has since created the right one. Isis turns to the crowd and asks, "And how does it look you guys?" People apparently think it looks okay. There are gasps and hoots when Isis's photo comes up, primarily due to the fact that it looks like her new body is capable of levitating. ALT deems her the new mermaid for the 21st century, and Nicki is a fan as well.

Bianca emerges next, looking fly in her teeny flouncy skirt. Tyra notes that Bianca has been working up a storm, and says that she's undergone a serious transformation from hood girl to...whatever she is now. Bianca tells the panel that she's 22 now, and she's trying to be a lady. I just love that "lady" is her conceptual goal. She's like Fancy. Tyra points out that the hood girl will always live inside of Bianca. And sometimes she'll claw her way up to Bianca's mouth and scream something mean at somebody. Nigel thinks that Bianca's photo is stunning, and says that for some odd reason it looks like a vintage picture. ALT thinks that it's TOO vintage, and tells her it reminds him of Foxy Brown. Bianca is all smiles and thank yous, because of how she's so ladylike now.

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America's Next Top Model

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