America's Next Top Model
Nicki Minaj

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They're Baaaaaack

And then! It's Sheena "Plastic Rack" Sakai from Cycle 11! I do love her, even though she's really not so skilled with the modeling. Since we saw her last, Sheena has done some national commercials and a lot of hosting work, print work, and runway shows. She is here to mogul it up. And then! It's Isis "L-O-L-A" King, also from Cycle 11. Isis had her gender reassignment surgery about two years ago, and so no longer has to worry about a little something extra popping out during the inevitable bikini shoot. Isis prefers "born in the wrong body" to "transsexual," and says that she's embraced her sexuality more. That's good. She seemed so uncomfortable last time that it made me feel very sympathetic, which is not an emotion that you want to have regarding a Top Model contestant. But if you WERE going to feel a nice emotion for any of them, Isis is certainly a top contender.

Next to enter is Kayla "Yep, I'm Gay" Ferrel from Cycle 15. Kayla tells us that a lot of people didn't seem to recognize her when she entered the house. She attributes this to the fact that her hair is now brown instead of blazing red, as it was on the show. Kayla knows that she's most memorable for being out and proud. I'm sure they'll find ever more ways for her to gay it up -- or be uncomfortable with menfolk! -- during this all-star season. Oh, and then happiness! We are reintroduced to Allison "Universal Donor" Harvard from Cycle 12. Her eyes are as big as ever, and are scanning the room to see if anyone has a bloody nose that she can obsess over. Since we last saw her, Allison has been doing art internships and freelance art directing. Frankly, she already seems over this shit. She's too good for it, no question. I wonder why she even came back. I hope they paid her lots.

The girls see a picture of Cycle 2's own Camille "Signature Walk" McDonald, and dread her inevitable entrance. And then it happens. There's no immediate bitchery, but Bianca explains to us that she and Camille have a long history, and that Camille had better not attempt to hug her now, tomorrow, or any day. Oh, I can't WAIT for these two to get into it. This season is kind of like Gladiator. Next, we have Shannon "Chastity Belt" Stewart from Cycle 1. She's gotta be on a diet of prunes and Metamucil by now, but I have to say that she looks great. It's all the healthy, God-fearing living, I guess. Shannon is memorable for not wanting to pose nude. She has apparently become a folk hero amongst virgins for her high moral standards. She tells us that she wants to be not just a model, but a role model. I can't believe this lady has actually had a career.

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America's Next Top Model

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